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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 19, 1996's comic on:

Tags #anti rust, #bald, #big field, #butterfly turned opera singer, #car dealer, #data compression, #dream analysts, #extended warranty, #new algorythm, #running against wind, #sealant, #serious money

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Someone reaches for a door labeled "Dogbert's Dream Analysis." Dogbert and a man sit at a conference table. The man says, "I was in a big field full of tofu and carburetors." Dogbert says, "It means you're a gullible moron. That's $25 please." A woman tells Dogbert, "Then I was running, running, running against the wind." Dogbert replies, "That means you're ugly." Wally tells Dogbert, "Then the butterfly turned into an opera singer." Dogbert says, "That means you're bald." Dilbert tells Dogbert, "Suddenly I saw a new algorythm for data compression." Dogbert replies, "It means you're boring." The Boss tells Dogbert, "Then I told the car dealer I wanted the anti-rust sealant, the extended warranty and the lease option." The Boss asks, "What do you think it means?" Dogbert replies, "It means I'm going to make some serious money today."

Marriage Is A Financial Contract

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Marriage Is A Financial Contract - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 06, 2015's comic on:

Tags #contract, #contracts, #dating, #marriage, #money, #romance, #serious realtionship, #marraige, #financial contract, #vendor, #spouce, #relationships

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Woman: I want to be in a serious relationship that can lead to marriage. Dilbert: Marriage is a financial contract. How much money do you have? Woman: All I have is me. Dilbert: So... more vendor than spouse?

Takes Money To Make Money

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Takes Money To Make Money - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 27, 2015's comic on:

Tags #asking questions, #faith, #idiom, #idioms, #money, #questioning, #sayings

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Boss: It takes money to make money. Dilbert: Then... where did the first money come from? Boss: God? Dilbert: Don't let him hear doubt in your voice.

Ceo Makes More Money In Stocks

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Ceo Makes More Money In Stocks - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 28, 2017's comic on:

Tags #rich people, #money, #stock market, #investments, #out of touch, #obliviousness, #stratification

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CEO: Hey, our stock is up two percent. I just made more money than you'll earn in your entire life. Remind me, do I leave you a tip?

Money Can't Buy Happiness

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Money Can't Buy Happiness - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 03, 2018's comic on:

Tags #happiness, #work, #motivation, #meaning, #money, #raise, #wages, #excuses, #psychology

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Dilbert: I want a raise. Boss: Money can't buy happiness. Dilbert: Then why do people work? Boss: To avoid unhappiness. Dilbert: What's my best-case scenario here? Boss: I'll motivate you toward a neutral, zombie-like existence.

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Employees Who Don't Want Money

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Employees Who Don't Want Money - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 31, 2018's comic on:

Tags #motivation, #money, #optimism, #ambition

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Boss: I don't want employees who are motivated by money. I want true believers who are trying to make the world a better place. Wally: Those people sound crazy. Dilbert: Can you warn us if you see one?

Spending The Company's Money

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Spending The Company's Money - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 06, 2018's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #price, #high, #ted, #company, #money, #live, #die, #minute, #sense

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Dilbert: This price is too high. Ted: Why do you care? You're spending the company's money, not your own. And the company doesn't care if you live or die. Dilbert: Give me a minutes to think of why that doesn't make sense. Ted: Take as long as you need.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 2011's comic on:

Tags #excitement, #interviews, #wages, #interview, #less money, #worse job, #imagined better, #hald day, #next useless interview, #money

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Wally says, "How did your interview go yesterday?" Dilbert says, "Great!" Dilbert says, "They offered less money for a worse job. But for half a day I imagined it would be better." Wally says, "Half a day/! Lucky!" Dilbert says, "I know! I can't wait for my next useless interview!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 07, 2011's comic on:

Tags #office workers, #hard work, #lateral promotion, #new job, #old job, #money involved, #saving it

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Boss: I'd like to reward you for your hard work by giving you a lateral promotion. I was going to hire from the outside, but I realized I can make you do the new job plus your old one. Dilbert: Is money involved? Boss: Yes! I'm saving a ton of it!

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 22, 2011's comic on:

Tags #commerce, #new software vendor, #form realtionship, #take money, #ex wife

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Man: I'm your new software vendor. I'm here to form a relationship with you. That way it will be easy to take half of your money. Dilbert: Does that ever work? Man: It worked for my ex-wife.