Should Report Comic Strips
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1000 Results for Should Report
View 1 - 10 results for should report comic strips. Discover the best "Should Report" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday August 02,
2003
Tags #pointy haired, #takeover, #should report, #secret got out, #extra money
Transcript
"Our goal is nothing less than a complete takeover of pointy-haired Carl's software division." "We'll start secretly doing their jobs in addition to our own. Then I'll argue that they should report to me." "Hypothetically, if the secret got out, would we stop working twice as hard for no extra money?"
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Friday August 01,
2003
Tags #nemesis, #pointy haired, #software division, #report to boss, #no difference, #harware, #software, #engineering
Transcript
"This is my nemesis, pointy-haired Carl. He manages our software division." "Write up some reasons why he should report to me. I'll secretly give it to our Vice President." "Start by saying there's no real difference between hardware and software." "I'm unclean!"
Thursday April 18,
2002
Tags #assignment, #job, #department, #manager, #pretend job useful, #business
Transcript
Dilbert says to The Boss, "Um.. you gave me an assignment that isn't my job and doesn't need to be done." The Boss replies, "I'm trying to take over another department by doing their work. Later I'll say their manager should report to me." Dilbert says, "Could we at least pretend my job is useful?" The Boss replies, "Don't I always?"
Sunday February 02,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #suggestions, #report, #ridiculous, #spit, #woman, #carol, #assistant, #violent
Transcript
Dilbert tells a woman, "Carol, If you have any suggestions on my report, let me know." Carol looks at the document and asks, "What kind of ridiculous tripe are you pushing??" Carol says, "I spit on your report!" Carol lights a match and says, "I should burn it to ashes, but I won't . . ." Carol cries, "Because I'd rather dance on your grave after people read this!" She laughs. Carol throws the document at Dilbert and says, "Crawl back into your hole, you fly-infested bucket of dead carp!!" Dilbert walks away as Carol shouts, "Die! Die! Die!" Dilbert tells Wally, "Next time I'm just gonna say 'Carol, make some copies.'" Wally says, "The secretaries here have way too much power."
Monday October 10,
2005
Tags #our annual report, #positive spin, #poor results, #stock plummenting, #can't afford us
Transcript
"Tina, I want you to write our annual report." "How should I explain our poor results?" "Just give it a positive spin." "If you have to ask why our stock keeps plummeting, you can't afford us."
Sunday October 01,
2000
Tags #vital records protection plan, #extensive interviews, #key stakeholders, #digitized, #records, #encryotion, #natural magnets, #project team status report, #liars
Transcript
The boss, Wally, Alice and Dilbert are at a conference table. The boss says, "Wally, what's the status of our vital records protection plan?"` Wally thinks, "Think fast." Wally says, "I..uh...did extensive interviews with key stakeholders." Wally continues, "Then I..uh...formed a plan.." Wally says, "Now all the records are digitized and stored with 512 bit encryption..." Wally continues, "..At the center of the earth..on natural magnets." The boss says, "I meant you should read the project team's status report." Wally, reading, says, "They claim to have a plan. Liars."
Saturday December 09,
2017
Elbonian Hackers Delete Wally's Report
Tags #evidence, #excuses, #hackers, #hacking, #laziness, #assignment, #elbonians, #a, #zing report
Transcript
Boss: Did you finish your assignment? Wally: Yes, but Elbonian hackers deleted my report along with all of my backups. Boss: I have no way of knowing that's true. Wally: It was an amazing report! Better than you've ever seen.
Tuesday October 03,
1989
Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #devil, #lettuce, #kitchen, #rationalization
Transcript
Dilbert stands in the kitchen looking at a grocery receipt and thinking, "Looks like they under-charged me twelve cents on the lettuce." Dilbert thinks, "I should go back and give them the twelve cents. But I'm sure they would tell me to keep it for being so honest." Phil, the Prince of Insufficient Light and the Ruler of Heck, shows up at the door and says to Dogbert, ". . . I have a report of a flimsy rationalization in progress." Dogbert says, "Try the kitchen."
Saturday October 07,
1989
Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #nuclear, #power, #project, #inspection, #report
Transcript
Dilbert arrives home carrying a briefcase and says to Dogbert, "I got transferred to the Glickman Nuclear Power Project." Dogbert asks, "Aren't you worried about radiation?" Dilbert replies, "My boss says the last safety inspection was quite favorable." Dogbert asks, "What were his EXACT words?" Dilbert answers, ". . . The inspectors gave a glowing report." Dogbert says, "Maybe you'll mutate into something smarter."
Tuesday August 14,
1990
Tags #finance troll, #bad time, #report, #accounting, #Dilbert, #witch, #figures
Transcript
Dilbert: This must be the company accounting department. I... I need to ask some questions about this b-budget report. Dilbert: Is this a bad time for you? Accounting Witch: Always.