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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 31, 1999's comic on:


Tags #good product design, #gave three, #leadership, #product is bad, #stock willplunge, #totally meaningless, #signed card, #happy birthday

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Asok and Dilbert stand in front of the boss' desk. Dilbert says, "we need six weeks to make a good product design." Asok says, "You gave us three." Dilbert says, "Thanks to your leadership, the products is bad, our stock will plunge, and our lives are totally meaningless." Dilbert says, "Oh, and happy birthday." Asok holds a letter out and says, "We all signed a card."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 07, 1998's comic on:


Tags #signed ted card, #stamp, #congratualations, #death, #Family, #medical

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Dilbert holds a greeting card and says, "Let's see... it looks like you haven't signed Ted's card yet." Alice is sitting at her computer and glares. Alice slams a rubber stamp down on the card. Dilbert looks at the card and says, "Do you think 'congratulations' is appropriate for a death in his family?" Alice says, "You never know."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 24, 2011's comic on:


Tags #cats & kittens, #computer software, #contracts, #harvest organs, #signed, #software services, #save lives

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Carol says, "There's a guy in the lobby who says he's here to harvest your organs." Carol says, "Apparently, you signed a software services agreement without fully understanding it." Dilbert says, "Well, at least I can save lives." Carol says, "He said something about his cat's birthday."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 25, 2011's comic on:


Tags #context, #contracts, #harvest organs, #holes in contract, #software contract, #signed contract, #holes in torso

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Company Lawyer Dilbert says, "I signed a software contract without getting your input because I was in a hurry." Dilbert says, "Now the software company claims they can harvest my organs." Dilbert says, "Do you see any holes in their contract?" Lawyer says, "They mention holes... in the context of your torso."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 26, 2011's comic on:


Tags #contracts, #relations between the sexes, #Women, #ignorantly signed, #legal strategy, #affadavit, #attractive women, #have cooties

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Man says, "The contract that you ignorantly signed gives them the right to harvest your organs." Man says, "Your best legal strategy is to get sworn affidavits from attractive women saying you have cooties." Woman says, "Heck yes, I'll sign it." Dilbert says, "I was hoping this would be harder."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 07, 2011's comic on:


Tags #inventions, #thinking, #creative, #teacher, #business card, #ideationista, #education

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Boss: I hired Ken to teach us how to be more creative. According to his business card, his title is "ideationista." Ken: That was some of my best work.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 06, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #job, #steal, #Card, #i.d., #continued, #hate, #it, #friend

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Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I got fired." Dilbert sits on the floor hugging his knees and says, "The crook who robbed our house used my company I.D. card to steal my job too." Dilbert sits in the dark and says, "All I have is you, my friend. Dogbert?" The caption says, "(Don't you hate it when they say) Continued."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 27, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #date, #new, #system, #evaluating, #check, #boxes, #Card, #night, #dinged, #point, #nervous, #twitch, #head, #block, #bucket

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Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman says, "I'm using a new system for evaluating my dates. I just check off boxes on this card throughout the night." The woman continues, "There . . . I just dinged you a point for that nervous twitch." The woman asks, "Would you say your head is more like a block or a bucket?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #elves, #elf, #magic, #elf magic, #conquer, #world, #pick, #Card, #serious, #clubs, #forty three of clubs

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An elf says to three other elves, "I say we elves have been pushed around too long!" The elf says, "Let's use our elf magic to conquer the world!!" Another elf replies, "Yeah! Elf magic!" An elf holds a deck of playing cards and says to Dogbert, "C'mon, pick a card - any card!! And this time be serious!!" Dogbert says, "I'll take the forty-three of clubs."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 01, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #designing, #greeting, #Card, #death, #occasion, #working, #humorous, #angle, #roses, #red, #violets, #blue, #cardboard, #stiff

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Dogbert stands at the table reading a card. Dilbert asks, "How are you coming on designing your greeting cards for death occasions?" Dogbert replies, "Okay. Now I'm working on the humorous angle." Dilbert reads, "Roses are red, / Violets are blue, / Cardboard is stiff, / And so are you."