Search Results for "sisters weight"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.
1 - 10 of 48

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 14, 2004's comic on:

Tags #day off, #gerbil, #heartless, #horrible person, #insensitive, #mean, #sisters weight, #toss in casket, #twin sister death

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: "I need a day off to attend my twin sister's funeral." The Boss: "A whole day? How well did you know her?" Carol: "She.. was.. my... twin." The Boss: "But not identical!" Carol: "How does that matter?" The Boss: "Well, she didn't even look like you." The Boss: "And yet you want a whole day off for a service that takes fifteen minutes." Carol: "Gaa! It would be impossible to be more insensitive!" The Boss: "I'll compromise. My pet gerbil is on his last legs. I'll give you the day off if you toss him in the casket so I don't have to bury him myself." Carol: "When do you think it will die?" The Boss: "Depends. How much does your sister weigh?"

Employee Weight Loss Contest

Thank you for voting.
Employee Weight Loss Contest - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 16, 2016's comic on:

Tags #obesity, #health, #weight loss, #weight, #dieting, #cheating, #competition, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Next month is employee health awareness month, so we decided to have a weight-loss competition. We'll start on the first of the month, and the winner gets a week of paid vacation. Wally: When he thinks back on this, he'll realize he shouldn't have given us three weeks to bulk up before the first weigh-in.

Gain Weight Using Product

Thank you for voting.
Gain Weight Using Product - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 23, 2017's comic on:

Tags #warning, #caution, #labeleing, #weight, #safety, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: Did I leave out any risks on the product warning page? Boss: I don't see anything about the risk of overeating while owning the product. Tina: Our product has nothing to do with eating. Boss: Then why did I gain weight when I used it?

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 2012's comic on:

Tags #dating, #rich people, #top 1%, #Women, #sisters, #hot, #attraction, #co worker, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Now that I'm a top one-percenter, I wonder what kind of women I'll attract. Do you have any sisters back home? I'm asking because you'd be totally hot if you were a woman. So I'm thinking hoo-ah! Asok: I cannot count the number of ways this is wrong.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 08, 2012's comic on:

Tags #appearences, #big cubicle, #loose weight, #project leader, #status system, #toilet paper holder, #wider cubicle

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Congratulations! I'm naming you project leader. As such, you are entitled to a cubicle that is three inches wider than standard. Dilbert: I like the one I have. Boss: You don't have a choice. It is critical that we maintain the integrity of the status system. Otherwise our CEO will look like a jerk for having a private bathroom with a trained falcon as a toilet paper holder. Dilbert: Fine. Where's my larger cubicle? Boss: Here's the awkward part. We don't have one. I need you to lose weight until it looks as if your cubicle is larger. Dilbert: And if I don't? Boss: The falcon needs an assistant.

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #news, #discovered, #anti-gravity, #formula, #newsworthy, #weight, #exercising, #misleading, #unethical, #marketing

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert floats in mid-air with a propeller attached to his back. He says into the phone, "Hello, ABC News? I've discovered an anti-gravity formula." Dilbert continues, "What?! It's not newsworthy?!" Dogbert says, "Tell him it lets you lose weight without exercising." Dilbert covers the telephone receiver and asks, "Isn't that misleading and unethical?" Dogbert replies, "There's a fine line between marketing and grand theft."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 17, 1992's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #elbonia, #impressed, #diplomacy, #economic, #advisor, #airlines, #weight, #calculate, #rebel, #leader

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, who is carrying a suitcase, says to Dogbert, "The President of Elbonia asked me to negotiate an end to their civil war." Dogbert asks, "Why you?" Dilbert replies, "No doubt he was impressed by my diplomacy when I was an economic advisor . . . I just wish I didn't have to fly on Elbonia Airlines." In Elbonia, two Elbonians looks at a diagram of a cannon firing at a target. One man says, ". . . At his weight, we calculate that Elbonia Airlines will fling him right on the rebel leader."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 02, 1993's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #ratbert, #weight, #universe, #collapsed, #existence, #thimble, #space, #logical, #flaw, #theory

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk explaining to Ratbert, "Then, Ratbert, the weight of the universe collapsed in on itself until all of existence could fit into a thimble!" Ratbert asks, "Why would there be a thimble in space?" Dilbert replies, "Uh . . . There wouldn't . . ." Ratbert says, "Boy, it didn't take long to spot the gaping logical flaw in that theory."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 21, 1996's comic on:

Tags #buns of steel, #hardness, #large magnets, #not weight, #video, #ad campaign, #work, #gym, #butt work

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Liz walk outdoors. Dilbert says, "I was going to get the 'Buns of Steel' video but I'm making excellent progress without it." Liz says, "When they say steel, it refers to hardness, not weight." Dilbert says, "I KNEW it seemed too easy." Liz says, "Stay away from large magnets."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 02, 1993's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #bungee jump, #avoidable, #danger, #weight, #bungee, #cord, #underestimate, #hill, #man

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sees a sign that says "Bungee Jump 10 dollars." He thinks, "It's the manly thing to do." Dilbert enters the office and says, "I'd like to expose myself to avoidable danger." A man says, "Sit right down." The man says, "I need to know your weight so I can adjust the bungee cord." The man says, "Be sure you don't under-estimate your weight or else your head will hit the ground like an over-ripe cantaloupe." Dilbert answers, "Seven hundred pounds." The man wraps a bungee cord around Dilbert's body and head. He says, "Count to three and jump." Dilbert and the man stand on a hill. Dilbert says, "I didn't know you could do this on a hill." The man kicks Dilbert. Dilbert lies face-down on the hill. He says, "Today, I am a man." The man says, "For a hundred bucks I'll pull you back."