Skills Database Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

154 Results for Skills Database

View 1 - 10 results for skills database comic strips. Discover the best "Skills Database" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 29, 1999's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil director, #employee skills, #database, #moving everyone, #jobs, #laughed fuzzy

View Transcript

Transcript

Caption "Catbert: Evil H.R. Director" Catbert sits at a conference table with Wally and Asok. Catbert says, "I'm starting an employee skills database." Asok raises his hand and says, "Question: Is this the first step in moving everyone to jobs they don't want?" Catbert says, "No, no, no..... The first step was when I laughed myslef fuzzy thinking about it."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 14, 2003's comic on:


Tags #make changes, #skills database, #know as guy, #avoid work, #too much work

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: "Wally, can you show me how to make changes to the skills database?" Wally: "I can't risk being known as the guy who knows how to edit the database." Tina: "Because?" Wally: "I barely have time to avoid the work I already have."

Wally Has Skills

Thank you for voting.
Wally Has Skills - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 18, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #performance, #review, #robot, #design, #skills

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: wally, your performance is substandard. wally: give me a great performance review, or else i'll design a robot that will take your job. boss: you could do that? wally: i have the skills. i just don't like to use them.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 02, 2011's comic on:


Tags #complaining, #communication skills, #poor skills, #random numbers, #spreadsheet, #clarify, #listening skills

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman says, "This isn't what I wanted." Dilbert says, "I know." Dilbert says, "Your communication skill are so poor that I gave up trying to understand what you wanted and instead put some random numbers on a spreadsheet." Woman says, "Why didn't you just ask me to clarify?!" Dilbert says, "Apparently your listening skills need work too."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 01, 2011's comic on:


Tags #boats, #business ethics, #new boat, #engineers, #skills, #boss's boat, #picture, #nautical interests

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Who wants to see a picture of my new boat? Dilbert: That's a very good question. If we consider the fact that we work much harder than he does... Carol: And we have valuable engineering skills, whereas he can't operate the GPS in his SUV... and for some reason we don't get paid enough to buy impressive boats. Dilbert: And we have no nautical interests whatsoever. I think your best bet is people who don't know you. Man: And you are? Boss: This only works if we don't get too familiar.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 26, 2011's comic on:


Tags #internet & world wide web, #monsters, #turned feral, #engineers, #social life, #social skills, #few weeks, #wolfman, #howls at inetrnet

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Steer clear of Darryl. He turned feral. Asok: Feral? Dilbert: That's what happens when engineers don't get invited to meetings. Alice: Darryl's only social life was meetings. Dilbert: He didn't get to use his social skills for a few weeks, and apparently he lost them. Asok: Is it like he turned into a wolfman? Dilbert: Yes, except he's better at math. And he howls at the Internet, not the moon. Asok: Can we watch? Man: How-ooo can you blog that?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 04, 2011's comic on:


Tags #interviews, #ignorant and bored, #hired, #awesome tech skills, #management genius

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: You're ignorant and ridiculous. I'm bored. Are we done here? Boss: You're hired. You must have awesome technical skills or else someone would have killed you by now. Boss: I can't tell if I'm a management genius or just lazy.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 07, 2011's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #computers & peripherals, #software, #install and test, #database software, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert consults Dogbert: I recommend that you buy the Dogbert database software. Boss: Did I just pay a consultant to recommend his own company's software? Dogbert: I'm totally objective. Boss: Who would install and test it? Dogbert: Maybe a consultant who knows the product?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 10, 2011's comic on:


Tags #cruelty, #thinking, #creative person, #bad at math, #analytical skills, #permanent

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: I like to think of myself as a creative person. Alice: And by that you mean you're bad at math and you don't have any analytical skills. Dilbert: Is it permanent?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 02, 2011's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #joking, #project staus update, #improve listening skills, #repeating

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Alice, I need your project status update by end of day. Alice: Ahleth, ah wan yer proja thatuth updah, fuh-fuh-fuh. I'm trying to improve my listening skills by repeating what people say.