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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 09, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anger, #frustration, #matrix comparing features, #skin in game, #bang head, #cause extra work, #value of time, #ninja economics

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Ted: You know what would be great? I'd like to see a matrix comparing the features of our past products. Boss: Dilbert, why don't you pull that together for our next meeting! Dilbert: That would take two days and the matrix would have no practical use. The problem here is that Ted doesn't have any skin in the game. I propose that Ted has to bang his head on the table whenever he causes me to do extra work. That will help Ted make better decision about the value of my time. Ted: Never mind. Dilbert: Ninja economics!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 27, 2012's comic on:


Tags #benefits of personhood, #chemical nutrients, #death & dying, #inventions, #petri dish, #robot, #scientific equipment, #skin cells, #sneezes, #science

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Wally: Before I die, I plan to put some of my skin cells in a petri dish with chemical nutrients and store it inside a robot. By law, I will still be alive as long as any part of my body is functioning. My robot will enjoy the full benefits of personhood. My robot and I will live forever! Dilbert: Until it sneezes you out.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 19, 2012's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #huge head, #parade float, #pasty skin, #communication, #over rated

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Tina: I just noticed you head is huge. Alice: I never noticed it before, but now all I see is a parade float made out of pasty skin. Dilbert: Communication is overrated. Dogbert: I'm feeling that right now.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 26, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #anti-gravity, #company, #sagging, #skin, #gravity, #formula, #proud

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dilbert says, "I sold my anti-gravity patent to a company who wants to bring the benefits to the world." A television commercial shows an old woman with sagging breasts in the "before" picture and the same woman with upturned breasts in the "after" picture. The announcer asks, "Tired of sagging skin?" The announcer continues, "Get the patented 'Dilbert Anti-Gravity Beauty Formula!'" Dogbert watches the tv advertisement and says, "You must be so proud."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 30, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #conquer, #earth, #bob, #powers, #hypnosis, #control, #television, #whack, #sensitive, #skin, #accountants, #calluses

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Dogbert says to Bob the Dinosaur, "Bob, I need your help in my quest to conquer earth." Bob asks, "What do I do?" Dogbert replies, "I'll use my powers of hypnosis to control everybody who sees me on television. You must whack everybody else with your mighty tail." Bob strokes his tail and asks, "Did I ever mention that I have sensitive skin?" Dogbert replies, "Start with accountants. They're soft and you can build calluses."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 07, 1995's comic on:


Tags #dysfunctional team, #admore, #vocalize admiration, #leathery skin, #right from left, #get paid, #admire co workers

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The Boss, Dogbert, Dilbert, Alice and Wally sit at a round table. Dogbert says, "I'd like everybody to turn to the right and say what you admire about that person." The Boss turns to Alice, who is on his left, and says, "I admire your leathery skin, Alice." Alice responds, "I admire your ability to figure out which side is your RIGHT in only two tries." Dilbert faces Dogbert on his right and says, "I admire your ability to get paid for this." Wally says to Dilbert, "Despite the fact your face scares children, I admire your co-workers."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 13, 2003's comic on:


Tags #cash, #conflicts if interest, #corporate skin, #huge failures, #no red flags, #potential client, #track record

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A man with hair pointy like antennae approaches The Boss and says, "Hello, potential client. I'm a consultick." The consultick continues, "I'll burrow into your corporate skin, suck your cash and never leave." The consultick continues, "My firm has a track record of huge consulting failures and conflicts of interest!" The Boss thinks, "No red flags."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 04, 2003's comic on:


Tags #drug, #happy, #mood altering, #pharmacy, #pick up, #skin rash, #unhappy, #pharmacist

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Dilbert is at the pharmacy. The pharmacist looks at his prescription and says, "I can't read your doctor's handwriting." The pharmacist holds up drugs and says, "I'll give you this mood-altering drug to make you happy." Dilbert replies, "I have a skin rash!" The pharmacist replies, "And it's making you unhappy, right?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 05, 2003's comic on:


Tags #health benefits, #itch, #mood altering, #stinking weasel, #skin rash, #drugs

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Dilbert says to The Boss, "I'm taking a mood-altering prescription drug to treat a skin rash." Dilbert continues, "I still itch, but I don't care. In fact, I don't even think you're a huge, stinkin' weasel." Dilbert points to The Boss with both hands and exclaims, "I love you! You da man!" The Boss replies, "Remind me to cancel your health benefits."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 12, 2003's comic on:


Tags #slither away, #doomed project, #assistant, #teach you, #manager skin, #speaking metaphor

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Dogbert: "You need to slither away from your doomed project before you get blamed." Dogbert: "My assistant will teach you how to shed your project manager skin." Snake: "Yello!" Skeleton: "Ow! Ow! Ow! How's this so far?" Snake: "Impressive, but we were speaking metaphorically."