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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 09, 2001's comic on:

Tags #flight, #three am, #slap head, #uncross eyes, #coffee, #crazy, #alice crazy, #airplane, #travel airfare

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A frazzled-looking Alice says to Dilbert, "My flight didn't get in until three this morning." Alice asks Dilbert, "Would you mind slapping the back of my head until my eyes uncross?" As Dilbert stands behind Alice and raises a notebook to slap her, Alice pushes her coffee cup toward Asok the Intern. Alice says, "Pour all of your coffee in here and no one gets hurt."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 03, 2010's comic on:

Tags #victor, #project, #goat head, #upset, #angry, #awful, #slap, #help, #ask, #wind up, #stand on one leg, #cringe, #hard hit, #dolphin head, #change species, #seeing stars, #messy hair

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Asok says, "Alice, a horrible accident has given me a goat head. I need you to slap me so hard that I change species from the neck up." Alice says, "Hold still, Asok. This might take a few tries." Two Hours Later Alice says, "Dolphin is close! One more should do it."

Wally's Slap App

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Wally's Slap App - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 12, 2015's comic on:

Tags #app, #slap, #anger, #violence, #smart watch, #invention

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Wally: I created an app for our smart watch that makes the user's hand slap people. Boss: Who would want... Wally: Your eyes say I should pivot.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 09, 2011's comic on:

Tags #anger, #frustration, #matrix comparing features, #skin in game, #bang head, #cause extra work, #value of time, #ninja economics

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Ted: You know what would be great? I'd like to see a matrix comparing the features of our past products. Boss: Dilbert, why don't you pull that together for our next meeting! Dilbert: That would take two days and the matrix would have no practical use. The problem here is that Ted doesn't have any skin in the game. I propose that Ted has to bang his head on the table whenever he causes me to do extra work. That will help Ted make better decision about the value of my time. Ted: Never mind. Dilbert: Ninja economics!

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 20, 2011's comic on:

Tags #crimes, #gadgets, #inventions, #world class invenotr, #invented prodcuts, #key memeber, #fired for stealing, #stuff to steal, #high five, #hits boss

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Boss: I hired a world-class inventor. Meet Toby. When he worked for our competitor, he invented their coolest product. Toby: I was just a member of a team. Boss: A key member! Toby: Until they fired me for stealing. Wally: You came to the right place. We have tons of stuff to steal and no one ever gets caught! Toby: Give me a high five with a boss head in the middle! Noise: SLAP! Toby: That's the only thing I ever invented. Wally: Have you seen our storage closet?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 2011's comic on:

Tags #anger, #annoyance, #wrong side of bed, #bat like, #wrapped around body, #funnier in head

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Alice: I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Wally: Were you hanging from the bottom with your wings wrapped around your body? That was funnier inside my head.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 19, 2012's comic on:

Tags #conversation, #huge head, #parade float, #pasty skin, #communication, #over rated

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Tina: I just noticed you head is huge. Alice: I never noticed it before, but now all I see is a parade float made out of pasty skin. Dilbert: Communication is overrated. Dogbert: I'm feeling that right now.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 27, 2012's comic on:

Tags #accomodate cup, #coffe cup, #head flattened, #job interview, #monkey, #surgically flattened, #starbucks, #barista, #animals

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wally: Tell me why I should hire you as my service monkey, Carl. Carl: I worked as a starbucks barista for eight years and my head has been surgically flattened to stabilize your coffee cup. Dilbert: Impressive. Wally: This is nothing, You should see how well he interviews,

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 24, 1989's comic on:

Tags #care, #people, #think, #head, #shaped, #torpedo, #wright brothers

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dogbert says, "You shouldn't care so much about what other people think of your work." Dogbert continues, "I mean, everybody scoffed at the Wright Brothers. Galileo was jailed. Columbus was ridiculed." Dogbert continues, "'Course, none of those guys had a head shaped like a torpedo."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 07, 1990's comic on:

Tags #dinosaurs, #singing, #instruments, #crowd, #bite, #head, #somebody, #front, #row, #ozzy, #osbourne

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Bob the Dinosaur, Dawn the Dinosaur and Dogbert sit on the floor. Bob says, "We'll kick off the dinosaur comeback tour by singing 'My Way.'" Bob continues, "Then we'll break the instruments, wade into the crowd and bite the head off somebody in the front row!" Dogbert replies, "'Ozzy Osbourne' already did that."