Genetic research
Dogbert: Id like you to clone an army of obedient slaves for me, I plan to conquer the world and have dominion over all living things.
scientist: I mostly work on giant cucumbers.
Dogbert: Mix in some arms and legs and give me two packages of seeds.
The Boss, Dilbert and Alice sit around a conference table. The Boss says, "I want us to have the same kind of teamwork as the Egyptians who built the pyramids!" Alice comments, "Some scholars believe the pyramids were built by slaves." The Boss replies, "But there's some doubt; that's all I'm shooting for." Dilbert says, "I think THEY were guided by UFOs too."
The boss: I'm reading the leadership secrets of the famous Roman general Dogbertious. "Heres a good one: 'Put your wretced slaves in cubicles.'"
Heres another: Don't read this book to wretched slaves"
Woman: How's work? Dilbert: I taught robots how to emotionally manipulate people and thus guaranteed that homo sapeins will become slaves to machines. Woman: I don't want to think about that. Dilbert: That's why it works.
Alice: I hear you're a slave owner now. CEO: That is unfair. I buy a few Elbonians on the Internet and suddenly I'm the "slave owner" guy. Alice: You are literally an owner of slaves. CEO: I prefer to think of them as bad negotiators.
A newsreporter wearing a trenchcoat says into a microphone, "This man used his supercomputer to predict the future of the world." The reporter holds the microphone out and Dilbert says, "Within five years, evil squirrels will conquer the world and make us all slaves in their nut mines." The reporter says, "The squirrels should love this guy." Dilbert adds, "It's based on actual math."
The Boss: "Here's your employee locator device."
"Sensors in the building will be able to track you at all times."
"We'll know how many times you use the restroom and how long."
"It's a dog collar...the final humiliation."
"Once you got used to working in cubicles like gerbils, we knew anything was possible."
"My conformance rationalization mechanisms are kicking in."
"It's not so bad. A collar is simply an efficient design. Everyone is doing it."
"It's not so bad."
"It's powered by this six foot long extension cord."
The Boss, reaching for a paper that Alice is handing him, says, "Thanks, Hun." Alice exclaims, "Hon?!" Alice says to The Boss, "You sexist %!*%! I will burn your village and make slaves of your children!" The Boss says to Alice, "It's short for Attila the Hun. Everyone calls you that." Alice says, "That seems harsh."
Dogbert: Buwhahaha! I'm using A-B testing to manipulate irrational humans! Bend to my will and choose the orange button, you mindless click-puppets! Dilbert: And this is legal? Dogbert: I own you now!
Wally: I hear you're a slave owner now. CEO: No, nothing like that. All I did was buy some Elbonians on the Internet. Wally: Do they clean your house without pay? CEO: I assume they're a tidy people.
