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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 20, 1996's comic on:

Tags #first cigarette ever, #smoking breaks, #entitled, #3x a day, #smoking, #chatting, #fresh air, #color coded end

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Wally approaches a man and a woman who are smoking. He says, "Here's my first cigarette ever. I'm looking forward to the many smoking breaks I'm entitled to." Wally says, "I'll probably see you three times a day, just smoking and chatting and enjoying the fresh air!" Wally says, "I assume you light the color-coded end, right?" The man and woman drop their cigarettes and say, "I quit."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 2003's comic on:

Tags #eargarette, #smoking breaks, #downside, #cigarette for ear, #ear mint, #15 min break

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Dilbert is working with a device. He says to Dogbert, "I call my invention the 'Eargarette.'" Dilbert puts it behind his ear and says, "It's a cigarette for your ear!" Dilbert continues, "It allows non-smokers to take smoking breaks." Dogbert asks, "Is there any downside?" Dilbert responds, "What?" Dogbert says, "Never mind." Dilbert is in a meeting with The Boss and Wally. Dilbert says, "We've been working for fifteen minutes straight. I need an eargarette break." Dilbert and Wally are standing outside. Both have eargarettes in their ears. Dilbert asks, "What?" Wally replies, "What?" Dilbert asks again, "What?" Back in the meeting, Dilbert offers Wally, "Ear mint?" Wally replies, "Two, please."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 19, 1996's comic on:

Tags #decided, #start smoking, #add interesting edge, #personality, #need help, #personal magnetism, #erase hard drive, #psychology

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Wally tells Alice, "I've decided to start smoking. I'll be able to take more breaks that way." Wally continues, "And frankly, I'm hoping it will add an interesting edge to my personality and help me socially." Alice reaches into a box. Wally continues, "Not that I need any help." Alice says, "I can only pray that your personal magnetism won't erase my hard drive."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 02, 2012's comic on:

Tags #business ethics, #lobbying, #lobbiest, #bribers, #holiday, #birthdays, #lucrative job, #tax breaks, #company tax breaks, #interview

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Man: Your lobbyist said I could have a lucrative job here someday if I support tax breaks for your company. I have offers from other bribers, so I thought I'd stop by and see how this dump compares. Dilbert: Suddenly I know too much. Man: Fetch me some coffee and I'll make your birthday a holiday.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 26, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #buying, #tobacco, #lobby, #Politics, #anti-smoking, #facists, #media, #sex, #appeal, #positive

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Dogbert and his senator sit across from a woman whose head is surrounded by cigarette smoke. There is a full ashtray on the desk. The senator has a "Sale" sign on his head. The woman says, "Mister Dogbert, the tobacco lobby is very interested in buying your senator." The woman continues, "We've been taking a beating from the anti-smoking fascists. I blame the media." The woman continues, "What we need is more attention on the positive aspects of smoking . . . Like sex appeal." The smoke clears and reveals the woman's ugly, withered head. Dogbert says, "Yes, sir."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #dollars, #inventing, #secret, #better, #classify, #send, #space, #stuff, #kill, #smoking, #drugs, #open-minded

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The strip is titled, "Dogbert's guide to your tax dollars." A vacuum cleaner sucks up dollar bills. Dogbert says, "Did you ever wonder how all that tax money gets spent? Roll the tape." The caption says, "Inventing secret things." Two scientists look at a device. One of them says, "It doesn't look like much, but it'll smart like crazy if you sit on it." The caption says, "Sending secret things into space." The other scientist says, "Maybe we'd better classify it secret and send it into space with the other stuff." The caption says, "Education." A teacher says, "Sex will kill you, food will kill you, smoking will kill you, alcohol will kill you, drugs will kill you . . ." The children sitting at their school desks look frightened. The caption says, "Art grants for things you aren't open-minded enough to appreciate." Dilbert looks at a shoe sitting on a pedestal. The artist says, "I call it 'The Bug I Hated.'" The caption says, "Advanced health care." Two doctors stand next to a bed where a skeleton lies. One physician says, "You were right, Benson. X-rays and microwaves are not the same thing." The caption says, "Paying Congress." A senator says, "Our raises came through!" Another says, "I think I'll send myself a thank-you note!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 18, 1996's comic on:

Tags #Catbert, #monitor, #stressed out, #strategy, #downsizing, #big wuss

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Catbert stands on a monitor and says, "Are you stressed out, Wally? I have a solution." Catbert continues, "Start smoking. That way you'll have frequent company-sanctioned breaks throughout the day." Wally asks, "This is your strategy for downsizing, isn't it?" Catbert offers a pack of cigarettes to Wally and says, "Try it, you big wuss."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 22, 1996's comic on:

Tags #new smoking habit, #teeth turned yellow, #social outcast, #going broke, #house burned down, #going to quit, #long term view

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Alice asks Wally, "How do you like your new smoking habit?" Wally replies, "My teeth turned yellow, my breath is putrid, I'm a social outcast, I'm going broke, and my house burned down." Alice asks, "So you're going to quit?" Wally replies, "No, I'm trying to take a long term view of it."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 23, 1996's comic on:

Tags #direct flight, #aisle seat, #upgrade, #first class, #overhead bin, #north korea, #non smoking, #anti aircraft fire

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Dilbert sits at his desk and says into the telephone, "I'd like a direct flight . . . Aisle seat . . . And an upgrade to first class if possible." The airline ticket agent replies, "The best I can do is to put you in an overhead luggage bin . . . With one stop in North Korea." Dilbert asks, "Is it non-smoking?" The ticket salesperson replies, "That depends on how accurate the anti-aircraft fire is."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 02, 1992's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #walk, #nature, #wonderful, #planet, #children, #strangers, #borrow, #collateral, #smoking, #shell, #overlooked, #Environment, #situation, #want, #selfish

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Dogbert and Dilbert walk through the park. Dilbert says, "Nature is so wonderful . . ." Dilbert continues, "They say we don't leave the planet to future generations, we borrow it from our children." Dogbert says, "It's even better than that." Dogbert continues, "WE don't have children, so we're borrowing the planet from complete strangers!" Dogbert continues, "And there's no collateral. We can use up the planet, have great lives and leave an empty smoking shell to the strangers!" Dogbert continues, "I tell you, people have completely overlooked the positive side of this environment situation." Dilbert says, "But someday I WANT to have children." Dogbert replies, "Let's hope they're not as selfish as you."