Dogbert asks the garbage man, "Mister Garbage Man, do you know why Dilbert's neckties curl up?" The garbage man answers, "It could be a Tanzanian necktie snake in one of its clever disguises." The garbage man grasps his throat and continues, "They'll stalk you for years, then suddenly - ACK!!" Dogbert looks shocked.
The Boss says to Alice, "This weekend I cleaned out my tool shed." Alice hits a stop watch, "Click." The Boss asks, "What's that for?" Alice responds, "I keep a running tally of how much of my time you waste." The Boss continues, "...And I thought it was a frozen snake but it was actually a shovel!" Alice looks at her clock and mutters, "Five years, one day."
Dilbert: Gaaa!!! Boss: Did you find the snake in your cubicle? Dilbert: What the...? Boss: I put it there because I'm trying to motivate you with a culture of fear. Dilbert: That only works in the short term! Boss: A leader takes the first step without knowing where the next step will be. So get to work, and by they way, one of the urinals is electrified. It's only set to stun, so don't be a baby about it. Wally: His office plant is clear.
Man: What do you think of my idea? "
Dilbert: It won't work.
MAN: Why not?"
Dilbert; Do you want the long answer that you won't understand because you possess neither the experience nor the education needed?
Or the dismissive and insulting answer that has the advantage of being quick?
Dilbert: Another advantage of the insulting answer is that you can tell people I rejected your idea because I didn't think of it myself.
Man: I guess I'll take the insulting answer.
Dilbert: Fine. Your idea is dumber than snake mittens.
What do you have against snake mittens?"
Dogbert: "You need to slither away from your doomed project before you get blamed."
Dogbert: "My assistant will teach you how to shed your project manager skin."
Snake: "Yello!"
Skeleton: "Ow! Ow! Ow! How's this so far?"
Snake: "Impressive, but we were speaking metaphorically."
"I cannot decide if you are very wise or just a big stupid moron." "Well, I'll tell you, little cowpoke, when the snake falls in love with the spaghetti, it's time to buy a new hat." "You look more flustered than a barefoot squirrel at a tire store." "Gaaa!!! They almost make sense!!"
