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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 29, 1990's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #so-called, #unwritten rules, #porcupines, #balloon store

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the desk. Dogbert says, "I've decided to write down all of the so-called 'unwritten rules.'" Dogbert looks at a piece of paper and says, "So far I have 'Don't phone after ten p.m.' and . . . Uh . . ." Dilbert asks, "That's it?" Dogbert asks, "How about 'Don't throw porcupines in a balloon store?'"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 03, 1990's comic on:

Tags #dinosaur, #bob, #inside, #job, #sitting, #yuppie, #bigots, #called

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Bob the Dinosaur stands at a man's door and says, "Hi. I'm Bob. I called earlier about the babysitting job." The man says, "To be honest, we didn't know you were a dinosaur when you called . . ." Bob replies, "That's okay. I didn't know you were yuppie bigots."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 28, 1992's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #mouse, #office, #rid, #twenty, #five, #years, #called, #Women, #movement, #butt

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Dilbert watches as a woman says to the janitor, "Willy, there's a mouse in my office. Please get rid of it." Willy replies, "Haw haw! Twenty-five years of the so-called Women's Movement and nothing is different!" The woman says, "Do it now, or I'll fire your butt." Willy says, "This part is a little different."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 23, 1994's comic on:

Tags #called to brag, #dogbert headhunting service, #no skill, #pays 100k, #dogbert job

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"This is Dogbert's Headhunting Service." "I've got a job that pays a hundred thousand per year and requires no skill whatsoever." "No, I didn't say it's available. I called to brag about my own job."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 15, 1997's comic on:

Tags #let me telecommute, #called in sick, #total days off, #working for nothing, #ahead in principle, #stupidity is principle

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Dilbert, who is wearing a bathrobe, tells Dogbert, "I convinced my boss to let me telecommute." Dogbert asks, "How?" Dilbert replies, "Well, technically, I called in sick, which comes out of my time bank for total days off." Dilbert continues, "So, technically, I'm working for nothing, but I'm ahead in principle." Dogbert says, "WAY ahead, now that stupidity is a principle."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 28, 1995's comic on:

Tags #putting in charge, #biff, #big improvements for free, #recommend ways, #increase profit, #spend mpney, #make money, #more money, #so called, #report tomorrow, #lava lamps, #few bucks

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The Boss enters Dilbert's cubicle and says, "I'm putting you in charge of project 'BIFF.'" The Boss says "'BIFF' stands for 'Big Improvements For Free.'" The Boss says, "Your job is to recommend ways to increase profits without spending money or changing anything." Dilbert says, "You have to spend money to make money." The Boss says, "If we HAD money to spend we wouldn't need to MAKE money. Duh." Dilbert says, "The point is that you can make MORE money than you spend." The Boss says, "I'm not following your so-called 'point.'" The Boss says, "Logically, anything I don't understand is unimportant. Have your report tomorrow." The Boss sits at his desk, holding Dilbert's report. The Boss says, "So, you recommend . . . Replacing all managers with lava lamps." Dilbert reaches into his pocket and says, "Here's a few bucks for the lava lamps."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 14, 2001's comic on:

Tags #layoff planning, #fire people, #creeps, #excessive nose haor, #called doctor, #five minute meeting

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Caption reads: "Layoff Planning." Catbert sits with the Boss at a table. The Boss says, "Let's fire all the people who give us the creeps..." "...All the people with excessive nose hair and anyone who insists on being called 'doctor.'" Carol enters into the cubicle of a man with long nose hair and bug eyes. She says, "You've got a five-minute meeting on Friday, Dr. Wolfington."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 15, 2001's comic on:

Tags #meeting called, #discuss issues, #assign tasks, #waste of time, #meetings, #become lifeform, #reproducing human josts

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Dilbert walks into a meeting and asks, "Who called this meeting?" The male coworker replies, "We thought you did." The coworker continues, "I think we should discuss issues and assign tasks so it's not a complete waste of time." Dilbert responds, "Maybe meetings have become a lifeform capable of calling themselves and thus reproducing via human hosts." The male coworker turns to the female coworker and says, "Good issue." She replies, "Wow!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 05, 2003's comic on:

Tags #new guy, #middles part, #forbid, #near work space, #not good people, #1970's called

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Dilbert introduces the new coworker to Carol, "Carol, this is our new guy, Harry Middlepart." Harry extends his hand. Carol responds, "I don't approve of your hairstyle. I forbid you to be near my workspace." Carol holds out the phone and yells, "The seventies called. They want their hair back!!" Harry says to Dilbert as they walk away, "She's not good people."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 2004's comic on:

Tags #sexism, #witch coven, #new manager, #face growl, #new dress code, #winged monkey, #called tough

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Zenox: "I'm Zenox, the new manager of this coven... I mean department." "When I am displeased I make this face and growl like the undead." Grrow-eeeahh! "The new dress code is 'winged monkey.'" Dilbert: "If a man acted like you he'd be called tough."