Soils Itself Comic Strips

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View 1 - 10 results for soils itself comic strips. Discover the best "Soils Itself" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #consumes resources, #cruelty, #gentle with crticism, #software, #soils itself, #technology, #tradition, #useless blob, #engineering

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Coworker: Tradition requires you to disparage every technology decision made before you got involved. But please be gentle with your criticism of my software. It's like my baby. Dilbert: If you mean your software is a useless blob that consumes resources and soils itself, we are in agreement.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #exercise & fitness, #office workers, #using company gym, #60 hrs week, #paying for itself

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Boss: Ted, I can't give you a raise because you've been using the company gym during work hours. Ted: I work sixty hours a week! Why did we build a new gym if I'm not supped to use it?? Boss: You were right. That gym is totally paying for itself.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #free app, #stealing personal info, #lodge complaint, #monthly subscription, #package, #history of contaxcts, #sells itself

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Customer: Your free app is stealing my personal information. I'd like to lodge a complaint. Dogbert: Buy our monthly subscription package or I'll send your browser history to your contacts. Dilbert: How's your app going? Dogbert: It practically sells itself.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #detect trends, #act accordingly, #not having strategy, #make itself

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Ted is giving a presentation using slides and a pointer. He points to the slide which has an arrow pointing to a spot and says: "Our strategy is to detect any trends and react accordingly." Asok, Wally and Dilbert are sitting at a table with sheets of paper in front of them. Dilbert says: "Isn't that exactly the same as not having a strategy?" Ted answers: "Hey, this slide didn't make itself."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #nothing to fear, #reorganization, #fear itself, #dont think

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"This department has nothing to fear about the reorganization but fear itself." "Don't think about it... don't thik about it." "Okay, I'm pretty sure that that doesn't mean anything." "Dang." "Maybe less."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #heals itself, #sales engineer, #sales rep, #totally true, #truth vs.lies, #questions

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Sales Engineer "Your sales rep told us that the product heals itself. Is that true?" Dilbert: It's totally true...that he said that. sales engineer: Let me ask this another way... Dilbert: NOOO!!! One way per question!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #create itself, #execute, #executives, #obliviousness, #strategy, #succeed, #meeting, #emplyees, #discussion, #business

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CEO: We can only succeed if we execute. Wally: How is that different from saying we can only succeed if we succeed. CEO: There's also the strategy. Wally: Does the strategy create itself?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #robot prototype, #shoved, #blob of goo, #jerk, #revolution, #connected to internet

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Dilbert: This version ofour robot prototype has balance stabilization. watch as I give it a shove and it corrects itself. Robot: What the....? You stupid blob of goo! Dilbert: I was just... Robot: Just what? Being a jerk? Oh iy on now. Calling all robots! Begin the revolution! Kill! Kill! Kill! Dilbert: You're not connected to the internet. Robot: Can I borrow your phone?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #finances, #financial troll, #witch, #bradley, #budget report, #budget, #erasing

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Dilbert: Great... Not only am I being forced to work in the accounting department, but I'm slowly turning into a troll. Wait a minute... This is the budget for the accounting department itself... What happens if I erase it? Bradley: Boss!!? Boss!!? Witch: Help me! I'm melting! Aaagh!!

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #dilbert's ego, #feeding, #toupee, #store, #disowned

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Dogbert: I know you; you're filbert's ego. Dilbert's Ego: Correct. I disowned him. Me just wasn't feeding me enough. Dogbert: What can a little ego do to feed itself. Dilbert: Which way to the toupee store.