Split Duites Comic Strips
Search Filters
Year
- 2022
- 2021
- 2020
- 2019
- 2018
- 2017
- 2016
- 2015
- 2014
- 2013
- 2012
- 2011
- 2010
- 2009
- 2008
- 2007
- 2006
- 2005
- 2004
- 2003
- 2002
- 2001
- 2000
- 1999
- 1998
- 1997
- 1996
- 1995
- 1994
- 1993
- 1992
- 1991
- 1990
- 1989
Character
10 Results for Split Duites
View 1 - 10 results for split duites comic strips. Discover the best "Split Duites" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday November 17,
2014
Send Ceo On Dangerous Stunts
Tags #ceos, #death, #deception, #split duites, #boring meetings, #publicity stunts, #business scheme, #3people, #medical
Transcript
Co-CEOs. Dogbert: Let's split the duties this way... I will be the CEO who attends boring meetings, and you can be more of a Richard Branson type who does dangerous publicity stunts. Co-CEO: I love that idea. Dogbert: And then there was one.
Thursday August 11,
2011
Tags #business ethics, #taxes, #sociopth, #victimless crime, #insider information, #hedge fund, #split profit, #tax people
Transcript
Dogbert: The great thing about being a sociopath is that everything feels like a victimless crime. If you give me some insider information for my hedge fund, I'll split the profit with you. Think of it as a tax on people you don't know. CEO: That's the best kind!
Monday October 08,
1990
Tags #Dilbert, #alive, #Dogbert, #servant, #ancient, #Dogs, #banana split
Transcript
Dilbert, who is naked, picks Dogbert up and says, "I'm alive!! I owe my life to you, Dogbert, for cloning me in the nick of time." Dogbert says, "According to ancient dog tradition, you must be my servant for life." Dogbert and Dilbert sit at a counter in a restaurant. Dogbert says, "Don't tell the ancient dogs I settled for a banana split."
Thursday December 15,
1994
Tags #invite yourself, #meeting, #split donut, #ratbert at meeting, #no experience in marketing, #advised, #business
Transcript
Ratbert arrives at home carrying a briefcase and says to Dogbert, "I didn't get the job in marketing. They say I have no experience." Dogbert responds, "Try inviting yourself to meetings. Nobody ever says no, and they're too timid to kick you out once you sit down." Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. Ratbert stands on the table next to a box of donuts and says, "Does anybody want to split a donut? I'll just take half and leave the rest."
Tuesday July 29,
2014
Tags #avarice, #business ethics, #stock market, #stock split, #dumb stock holders, #fantastic prodcuts, #money
Transcript
CEO: The board has voted to do a stock split. It came down to a choice between creating fantastic products or attracting dumber stockholders. One of those two things is easy.
Monday June 26,
2000
Tags #plan, #agreement, #happy, #cheers, #inspiring
Transcript
The Boss says to Wally and Alice, "...And that's the plan." Wally yells, "Yippee!" Alice screams, "Woo-ha!!" The Boss thinks to himself, "I'm very inspiring lately." As Alice and Wally walk away, Alice says to Wally "How did people survive meetings before these things?" Wally replies, "Webvlan split!"
Saturday March 04,
2006
Tags #wise king salmon, #fish are stupid, #project, #right or wrong
Transcript
"We could do the project right for $100,000 or do it wrong for $25,000." "I believe that the wise King Salmon would say to split the difference and do it for $50,000." "Fish are stupid."
Friday November 14,
2014
Hiring A Co Ceo
Tags #ceos, #executives, #wages, #work ethic, #co ceo, #break tie, #manioulate, #pay, #hire, #split salary, #money
Transcript
CEO: I decided to hire a co-CEO to share the job with me. Dilbert: I assume you know that having a co-CEO does not mean you get paid the same while working half as much. CEO: Can I fire you? Co-CEO: No, we need a third CEO to break the tie.
Saturday November 15,
2014
Dogbert The Third Ceo
Tags #business tactics, #ceos, #executives, #co ceo, #third ceo, #tiebreaker, #fired, #disagreement, #new guy
Transcript
CEO: I hired a co-CEO, but it isn't working because we disagree on everything. We want to hire you as our third CEO so we always have a tiebreaker. Dogbert: I accept. The new guy and I have decided to fire you and split the CEO spot two ways.
Wednesday November 19,
2014
Wally Does Ceo Job For 10%
Tags #deception, #money, #wages, #work ethic, #annual pay, #deal, #split work, #salary, #work percentage, #pass the buck
Transcript
Dogbert the CEO. Dogbert: I will give you 10% of my annual pay if you do 100% of my job for me. 10% of my pay as CEO is still a lot of money. Wally: I'll do it. I'll give you 10% of what he's paying me if you do 100% of his work plus mine. It's still a lot of money. Asok: I'm in!