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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 19, 2011's comic on:


Tags #embarrassment, #printmaking, #printer prowler, #spots activity, #minions

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Boss: The printer prowler spots activity. It's time to see what the minions are working on. They're on to me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 1991's comic on:


Tags #dance, #Dilbert, #eye contact, #spots, #wall, #awkwardly, #hate, #smile

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Dilbert sees someone walking down the hallway toward him. Dilbert thinks, "Now for the 'Dance of the Eye Contact.'" Dilbert turns his head and thinks, "I pretend to look at spots on the wall. If our eyes meet too soon we'll have to awkwardly smile for ten seconds." Dilbert turns his head and thinks, "Now!" The man thinks, "I hate the first smile of the day."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 21, 1998's comic on:


Tags #airport, #gold stories, #change seat, #six hour flight

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Caption: "At the airport" The huge, annoying woman spots Dilbert and yells, "Hey, Dilbert! We must be taking the same flight!" Woman says, "I'll change my seat assignment so we can talk for six hours." Dilbert exclaims, "No, no! That's okay!" Dilbert doesn't want to sit by her. Sitting next to each other on the plane, woman says, "These flights can be very long if you don't have someone to listen to your golf stories."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 12, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #alice, #space, #computer, #office, #case study, #todd, #allen, #Men

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Dogbert holds a pointer and says, "Today you will learn how to deal with people who have personality defects." The caption says, "Case 1: Todd laughs nervously at every one of his own comments." Todd says, "Don't hold it against me! Hee hee!" The caption says, "Remedy: Todd must be relocated to a distant planet." A space shuttle leaves a planet. On the planet's surface, Todd says, "It sure is lonely! Hee hee! The caption says, "Case 2: Allen stares at you like a zombie for long periods before responding to questions." The caption says, "Remedy: Allen must be paired with Virginia (Case 3) who fills all quiet spots with inane chatter." Dogbert pushes Virgina toward Allen. The caption says, "Case 4: Matt speaks slowly about amazingly boring topics." Matt says, "I . . . ate . . . a . . . pickle . . ." The caption says, "Remedy: Matt's head can be outfitted with a reading stand." A man reads a book that rests on Matt's head. Matt says, "I . . . like . . . pickles . . ." The caption says, "Case 5: An engineer. Remedy: Very quietly seal him in his own cubicle." Dogbert builds a brick wall in the door of Dilbert's cubicle.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 17, 1996's comic on:


Tags #cubville, #powerful leader, #solution unique, #brilliance, #contribution, #much better idea

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The Boss enters a row of cubicles and thinks, "The powerful leader enters Cubeville to inspire the wretched underlings." The Boss peers into Dilbert's cubicle and thinks, "He spots one of the little people in desperate need of a morale boost." The Boss thinks, "The leader carefully assesses the situation. Every solution is unique." The Boss says, "Try identifying the problem and then solving it." The Boss thinks, "The leader waits while the brilliance of his contribution sinks in." Dilbert says, "That's a much better idea than what I was doing." Dilbert continues sarcastically, "I've been sitting here all day randomly pressing keys, but you've shown me a better way!" The Boss thinks, "Suddenly the leader remembers why he rarely visits Cubeville." Dilbert says, "My morale is soaring."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 16, 1998's comic on:


Tags #evil hr director, #post prey, #vacation request form, #lose vacation, #exist, #shadows, #cubicle wall, #philosophy os useless

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Catbert walks on the wall of Wally's cubicle. He thinks, "The evil director of human resources spots his prey." Catbert stands on top of Wally's computer and says, "Wally, you haven't filled out a vacation request form yet." Catbert continues, "If we don't get it by tomorrow, you lose your vacation." Wally asks, "Where do I get a form?" Catbert replies, "We're all out." Wally is furious and screams, "Did they ever exist?" Catbert says, "Wally, does anything really exist, or is it all just shadows on a cubicle wall?" Catbert stands and says, "I leave you with that thought." Catbert continues walking on the wall of the cubicle as Wally bangs his head on his desk. Catbert thinks, "Who says philosophy is useless?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 17, 2006's comic on:


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Sorry I'm late. I was behind a herd of slow walkers. "I couldn't jog around them at the wide spots because my coffee cup was too full." "It's all part of my can't-do approach to life."

Dilbert Meets The Mom

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Dilbert Meets The Mom - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 02, 2015's comic on:


Tags #dating, #low standards, #meeting people, #parents, #mother, #efficiency, #ebola, #shake hands, #Family, #relationships

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Woman: Mom, this my date, Dilbert. He only wears tube clothes. Dilbert: For the efficiency. Whoa! Before I touch that paw, have you been to any Ebola hot spots lately? Woman: He has a job. Dilbert: My time has come!