Spy Software Comic Strips
311 Results for Spy Software
View 1 - 10 results for spy software comic strips. Discover the best "Spy Software" comics from Dilbert.com.
NSA Agent: You hacked into a government database and stole sensitive information. Dilbert: Technically, it was my company's information that your spy software stole first. I was just stealing it back. So we're good here, right? NSA Agent: Yeah, that's how it works.
Wally: The government arrested Dilbert for stealing back the data their spy software stole from us. Alice: Whose side are we on? Wally: Well, I'm not crazy about the government. Alice: But Dilbert can be a pain in the Spanx, too. Wally: Have you ever tried apathy? It's awesome.
Boss: I have a report that you killed Ted in a cafeteria brawl. Dilbert: Not exactly. My brain stimulator had a software glitch, and it made me homicidal for a minute. Boss: So... you're a murderer, right? Dilbert: Software killed Ted. I was only the weapon.
boss: i hired an elbonian spy who, i assume, will try to steal our intellectual property. it's hard to find good engineers in this economy, so that is a risk i am willing to take. dilbert, i'd like you to collaborate with him. dilbert: can we call it something else?
boss: how long will it take to write the software? dilbert: that depends. what do you want the software to do? boss: i don't know yet. dilbert: do you see the problem here? boss: is it you?
dilbert: what do you think? boss: this will never work. dilbert: this isn't a prototype. this is the finished software, and it's working. boss: i don't see how you can get this done in time. dilbert: it's already done. you are literally using it while we are talking. boss: we don't have the resources to program this. dilbert yelling: it's already done! you. are. using. it. right. now! boss: you'd better settle down, or you'll never get this finished.
boss wearing face mask: our data security team informs me we have an elbonian spy in our midst. dilbert wearing face mask: maybe it's this elbonian guy you hired. elbonian wearing face mask: whoa, that is super racist. dilbert: is it you? elbonian: yes, but i don't see how that excuses you.
Dilbert says, "If we build our software with no bugs, we can make a 10% return on our investment." Dilbert says, "But if we do a poor job, we can make a 40% return by selling upgrades and service." Dilbert says, "But don't worry. We only have the budget for a poor job." CEO says, "I can't remember if we're cheap or smart." Boss says, "Phew!"
Dilbert says, "Your software services contract is too confusing for any normal human to comprehend." Dilbert says, "And it wouldn't be cost- effective to involve our attorneys for a deal so small." Dilbert says, "So I'll just take chance and sign it." Man says, "Doc... scrub in. I got the liver."