Standardize Dept.New Programming Comic Strips
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27 Results for Standardize Dept.New Programming
View 1 - 10 results for standardize dept.new programming comic strips. Discover the best "Standardize Dept.New Programming" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday August 24,
2005
Tags #coding, #moron, #standardize new programming, #methodology, #middle of the project, #technology
Transcript
The Boss: How's the coding coming along? Dilbert: "No problem unless..." "...some moron tries to standardize on a new programming methodology in the middle of the project." The Boss: "What if it's me instead of some moron guy?"
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Tuesday August 23,
2005
Tags #standardize dept.new programming, #language, #mass from hole, #objective, #vendor warning
Transcript
The Boss: "I've decided to standardize the department on a new programming language." Dilbert: "With all due respect, that sort of decision should be made by someone who knows his mass from a black hole." Dilbert: "The vendor warned me that you couldn't be objective."
Tuesday September 08,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #programming, #sissy, #icons, #zeros, #sometimes, #entire, #database, #program, #letter
Transcript
An older man, Dilbert and Wally sit at the lunch table. The man says, "When I started programming, we didn't have any of these sissy 'icons' and 'windows.'" The man continues, "All we had were zeros and ones - and sometimes we didn't even have ones." The man continues, "I wrote an entire database program using only zeros." Dilbert asks, "You had zeros? We had to use the letter 'O.'"
Thursday January 09,
2003
Tags #40 hours, #everyone, #likes asok, #minute old, #new system, #work one computer, #extreme programming
Transcript
The Boss says to Wally, Dilbert, Asok, and Alice, "We're going to try something called Extreme Programming." The Boss continues, "First, pick a partner. The two of you will work at one computer for forty hours a week." Dilbert and Alice jump on Asok and cling to him. Wally says, "The new system is a minute old and I already hate everyone."
Friday January 10,
2003
Tags #extreme programming, #ruin my life, #user story, #Features
Transcript
Extreme Programming. Dilbert says to a business associate, "I can't give you all of these features in the first version." Dilbert continues, "And each feature needs to have what we call a 'user story.'" The business associate responds, "Okay, here's a story: you give me all of my features or I'll ruin your life.'"
Saturday January 11,
2003
Tags #extreme programming., #code writing, #team, #tw programmers, #one computer, #productive arrangement, #whistle both nostrils, #saved on harmonicas, #business
Transcript
Extreme Programming. Wally and Dilbert are sitting at one computer. The Boss approaches and says, "The two of you will be a code-writing team." The Boss continues, "Studies prove that two programmers on one computer is the most productive arrangement." Dilbert types with a furrowed brow. Wally says, "Sometimes I can whistle through both nostrils. I've saved a fortune in harmonicas."
Wednesday November 16,
2005
Tags #programmers, #agile programming, #methods, #more work, #fewer people
Transcript
We need three more programmers. "Use agile programming methods." "Agile programming doesn't just mean doing more work with fewer people." "Find me some words that DO mean that and ask again."
Sunday March 10,
2013
Tags #work ethic, #fired, #programming code, #undocumented, #passwords, #death spiral, #huge raise
Transcript
Boss: Wally, you have accomplished none of your goals. I have to let you go. Wally: Actually, I accomplished a lot. I spent the past ten years creating a tangle of undocumented programming code. Every one of our major systems is linked to it. If I don't enter a password every day, the entire company will go into a technology death spiral. If you value your job, you'll give me a huge raise and dance on this table like a monkey!!! Boss: Let's call it a tie. Wally: Yeah, I'm good with that.
Monday November 26,
2007
Tags #agile programming, #cpmplain, #training, #write code, #no more planning, #no more documentation, #just start writing
Transcript
The Boss: We're going to try something called agile programming. "That means no more planning and no more documentation. Just start writing code and complaining." Wally: "I'm glad it has a name." The boos: "That was your training."
Sunday August 24,
2014
Tags #programming skills, #next hire, #python, #java, #php, #solve, #ignorance problems, #gap in knowledge, #string theory, #graviton
Transcript
Boss; What programming skills should I be looking for in our next home? Dilbert: Jquery, ruby,HTML5, Python , Java , PHO and of course, C++ BOSS: Maybe you could wrote this down. Dilbert: Sure. That should totally solve your ignorance problem. Are there any other gaps in your knowledge that I can fix by writing things down? Dilbert: How about string theory? I can explain that in a few words. Graviton....supersymmetry....perturbation...M-theory. Boss: I know string theory now.