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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 31, 1996's comic on:


Tags #barry, #epic mini series, #hundreds of hours, #quitters, #retrospect, #special bonus, #staring at computer

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The Boss says to Alice, Wally and Dilbert, "It's my honor to present this special bonus check to Barry." Alice turns to the man next to her and says, "That's you." The man stares straight ahead as he replies, "MY name is Barry??" The Boss says, "This is for working hundreds of hours of overtime." The Boss continues, "While you quitters were going home by 9 pm every night . . ." The Boss continues, "Barry remained at work staring at his computer for hours." Barry eats the bonus check. The Boss continues, "It's important to recognize extra effort." The Boss continues, "Sadly, that's the end of the special bonus budget for the year." Barry burps. Wally says, "In retrospect, I shouldn't have told Barry that his screen saver is an epic miniseries." Dilbert and Alice glare at him.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 22, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #ratbert, #office, #computer, #video games

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Dilbert sits at his desk staring at his computer. He has dishes stacked on top of his head. Ratbert asks Dogbert, "What are those dishes doing on Dilbert's head?" Dogbert replies, "He's in a video game trance. I'm testing my theory that he is unaware of his environment and has no discernible mental activity." Ratbert walks away with dishes stacked on his head. Ratbert thinks, "Poor guy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 13, 2011's comic on:


Tags #big business, #secondhand sales, #tablet computer, #business, #design logo, #pay another company, #other companies, #watch, #engineers, #degrade, #low morale

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Boss: We're going into the tablet computer business. And by that I mean other companies will make the product and we'll design the logo. And by that I mean we'll pay another company to design the logo for us. Alice: Can we watch?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 13, 2012's comic on:


Tags #hats, #inventions, #brainwave reader, #nearest computer thoughts, #blurry image, #video, #beta version, #video quality

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Dilbert: My brainwave reader invention can control the nearest computer with my thoughts. Boss: Why am I seeing a video of a blurry image that looks like you slapping another blurry thing that looks like me? Dilbert: I don't think it's fair to complain about the video quality of the beta version.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 2012's comic on:


Tags #computer, #control computer, #invention, #inventions, #mind, #mobile (cell) phones, #phone, #power, #brain reader, #technology

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Dilbert: My brain reader invention allows me to control any nearby computer. Co-worker: That's nothing! My phone can... Dilbert: I did that with my mind. Co-worker: That's nothing! I made you do it!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 18, 2012's comic on:


Tags #gadgets, #sales personnel, #tablet computer, #prototype, #indestuctable, #crash

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CEO: Our tablet computer is indestructible. Watch this... Man: Our company is next. Find the prototype. CEO: Oops. Was that yours?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 17, 2012's comic on:


Tags #inventions, #quantum computer, #prototype, #success, #in between state

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Boss: How's your quantum computer prototype coming along? Wally: Great! The project exists in a simultaneous state of being both totally successful and not even started. Boss: Can I observe it? Wally: That's a tricky question.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 31, 1989's comic on:


Tags #computer, #park, #chemicals, #create, #issues, #technology

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Dilbert sits at his desk and says, "Wow! According to my computer simulation, it should be possible to create new life forms from common household chemicals!" Dogbert says, "This raises some thorny issues." Dilbert asks, "You mean legal, ethical and religious issues?" Dogbert replies, "I was thinking about parking spaces."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 11, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #computer, #program, #pick-up line, #mel gibson, #savage

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Dilbert sits at his desk working on his computer. Dilbert says to Dogbert, who is sitting next to him, "I've designed this program to generate the most effective pick-up line in the universe." Dilbert continues, "Ha ha! Women will be helpless when they hear my clever opener. . . . And the line is . . ." Dilbert reads on the screen, "Hi. I'm Mel Gibson. Did you see a dingo dog go by here with my shirt?" Dogbert says, "Kiss me, you wicked savage."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 1989's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #jenny dworkin, #computer, #location, #contrived, #woman, #Women, #picking up

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Dilbert sits at a desk working on his computer. Dilbert says, "There . . . I've plotted Jenny Dworkin's normal speed, habits and tendencies into my computer." Dilbert tells Dogbert, "Now I'll be able to predict her location and bump into her as if by chance." Dogbert asks, "Why don't you just call her, say you like her and ask her out?" Dilbert replies, "No. That would seem too contrived."