Steal Money Comic Strips
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666 Results for Steal Money
View 1 - 10 results for steal money comic strips. Discover the best "Steal Money" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday August 11,
2007
Tags #dogbert for president, #terrorits, #skull, #salad bowls, #steal money, #vote, #pollution has viatamins, #lies, #fabrications, #intimidations, #Politics
Transcript
Dogbert for President "Vote for me or the terrorists will use your skulls for salad bowls." "I promise to take money from the people who don't vote for me and give it to the people who do." "Pollution has vitamins!" "I like how he makes me feel."
Friday October 17,
1997
Tags #dogbert mutual fund, #earnings report, #steal investors money, #compare perfromance, #common assumptions
Transcript
Dogbert works at a computer. Behind him, Dilbert says, "Is it hard to write an earnings report after you steal the investor's money?" Dogbert says, "Nah." Dogbert says, "I'll compare my performance to the S&P 500 under a common set of assumptions." Dilbert walks away and says, "Oh." A woman says to her husband, "How did our Dogbert fund do?" The husband looks at the earnings statement and says, "Ten percent better than the S&P 500 if it were also managed by an unscrupulous dog."
Friday April 30,
2004
Tags #least popular feature, #generate revenue, #save money, #steal idea
Transcript
Dilbert: I recommend that we eliminate the least popular features because they cost us more than they generate in revenue. The Boss: I have an idea. Lets laminate the least popular features to save money. Dilbert: I suggest that we eliminate the least popular features . The Boss: I steal that idea to infinity.
Monday November 26,
2001
Tags #airline, #no planes, #sit in crowded room, #steal luggage, #customers realize, #mechanical difficulties
Transcript
Dilbert is assembling something. Dogbert says to him, "I'm going to start an airline that has no planes." Dogbert continues, "I'll take people's money and make them sit in a crowded room while ex-cons steal from their luggage." Dilbert turns and replies, "What happens when your customers realize you have no airplanes?" Dogbert responds, "I call that 'mechanical difficulties.'"
Friday August 12,
2005
Tags #phishing, #new hobby, #fake banking emails, #gullible executives, #financial information, #steal, #password social security card
Transcript
"I have a new hobby. It's called phishing." "I send fake banking e-mails to gullible executives. Then I find out their financial information and use it to steal the money they don't deserve." Dear Customer, This is your bank. We forgot your social security number and password. Why don't you send them to us so we can protect your money. Sincerely, I. B. Banker "Looks legit."
Sunday November 30,
2003
Tags #manager of executive compensation, #plan to steal, #meeting, #back slapping, #pormises, #raises, #ponys, #vacations, #huge raise, #business
Transcript
Boss: "I'd like you to meet Bradley, our new manager of executive compensation." Boss: "Bradley's job is to recommend to our board how much to pay company executives such as me." "Bradley is totally objective." Bradley: "Totally." "That was a world-class observation, so I'll recommend that the company buy you a pony." "...A STRONG pony to carry the huge bags of cash I recommend for you." Boss: "Good work, Bradley. I'll recommend to the board that you get a huge raise!" Dilbert: "Gaaa!! Stop pretending to have reasons!! Just steal the stupid money!!!" Boss: "See what I have to deal with every day?" Bradley: "Would an extra month of vacation reduce the sting?"
Sunday October 27,
2002
Tags #epic year, #unethical behavior, #rebarnding, #hired dogcart consulting, #small improvements, #rename company, #stinking weasel, #slogan, #steal, #rob, #corruption, #hiring pirate, #diseased parrot
Transcript
The Boss addresses a meeting, "Thanks to an epic year of unethical behavior..." The Boss continues, "We need to do some rebranding so that no one knows who we are." The Boss points to Dogbert and continues, "I hired the Dogbert Consulting Company to help." Dogbert says, "You can't fix your image all at once. I recommend starting with small improvements." Dogbert continues, "First, rename the company to Stinkingweasels Inc." Dogbert continues, "The new slogan will be 'We steal in ways you've never even heard of.'" Dogbert turns to The Boss and says, "For your spokesperson, I recommend hiring a pirate with a diseased parrot." The Boss is holding a bag of money. He says to the pirate, "No?" The pirate responds, "We have standards."
Tuesday January 27,
2015
Takes Money To Make Money
Tags #asking questions, #faith, #idiom, #idioms, #money, #questioning, #sayings
Transcript
Boss: It takes money to make money. Dilbert: Then... where did the first money come from? Boss: God? Dilbert: Don't let him hear doubt in your voice.
Monday August 28,
2017
Ceo Makes More Money In Stocks
Tags #rich people, #money, #stock market, #investments, #out of touch, #obliviousness, #stratification
Transcript
CEO: Hey, our stock is up two percent. I just made more money than you'll earn in your entire life. Remind me, do I leave you a tip?
Saturday February 03,
2018
Money Can't Buy Happiness
Tags #happiness, #work, #motivation, #meaning, #money, #raise, #wages, #excuses, #psychology
Transcript
Dilbert: I want a raise. Boss: Money can't buy happiness. Dilbert: Then why do people work? Boss: To avoid unhappiness. Dilbert: What's my best-case scenario here? Boss: I'll motivate you toward a neutral, zombie-like existence.