Stock Picking Software Comic Strips

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455 Results for Stock Picking Software

View 1 - 10 results for stock - picking software comic strips. Discover the best "Stock Picking Software" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 11, 2005's comic on:


Tags #stock - picking software, #more feauture, #make hair grow, #bald guys, #test on rat, #butticks

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Dogbert: My stock-picking software needs more features. "I think I'll add a module that claims to make hair grow on bald guys. I'll first test it on a rat." Ratbert: "I feel a new one on my buttocks!" Dogbert: "That's all the proof I need."

Asok The Stock Picking Genius

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Asok The Stock Picking Genius - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 25, 2015's comic on:


Tags #day trader, #greed, #investing, #luck, #money, #stock market, #stocks

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Asok: I bought my first stock and it went up five percent in one week!That means I'm a stock-picking genius. I plan to max out all of my credit cards and become a day-trader. Dilbert: The total market is up six percent. Asok: That's just luck. It can't do that forever.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 02, 2016's comic on:


Tags #correction, #correcting, #freak out, #anger, #tress, #Advice, #eavesdropping, #awkward, #temper

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Man: What's the best way to invest these days? Boss: Penny stocks are the best value because they only cost a penny. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! I hate over hearing bad advice! Boss: If I were you, I"d take out a second mortgage and load up. Dilbert; I don't want to get involved, but I'll feel bad if I don't. Boss: You'll get reliable stock-picking advice from strangers on television. Dilbert: Run! Cover your ears and run! If it makes you feel any less awkward, I don't now what to do now, either.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 23, 1997's comic on:


Tags #bug in software, #alert, #work many hours, #buy stock in competition, #industry halo effect, #compensation plan

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Wally sits at his desk thinking, "Whoa . . . I found a huge bug in our new software product." Wally thinks, "I could alert the development team and work many hours of overtime to fix it . . ." Wally thinks, "Or I could surf over to my online brokerage service and buy stock in our competition." Dilbert asks, "Are you going to lunch?" Wally replies, "No, I have to do an analysis." Dilbert walks away thinking, "When Wally works through lunch . . . It's time to buy stock in our competition." Dilbert tells Alice, "Wally's working through lunch!" Alice says, "Quick! To the online brokerage service!" The Boss reads the newspaper and thinks, "Our competition is up ten points on no news. We're up two, maybe from the industry halo effect." The Boss tells Alice and Wally, ". . . Or maybe our new compensation plan is motivating smarter behavior." Wally says, "I think you nailed it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 12, 2000's comic on:


Tags #believe loser, #implied, #picking stock, #stock tip

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Wally asks Alice, "Do you want a good stock tip?" Alice says, "Are you asking me to believe you're a loser at every aspect of life except picking stock?" Wally and Dilbert are having lunch. Wally says, "That's not what I'm asking." Dilbert says, "It's implied."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 2004's comic on:


Tags #elbonian call center, #software in stock, #wear pants, #porcelain unicorn

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Elbonian Call Center "We don't have that software in stock." "But may I interest you in a set of porcelain unicorn figurines that wear pants?" "Really? Wow. Your country has way too much money."

Selling Bad Software Is Like Crime

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Selling Bad Software Is Like Crime - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 27, 2015's comic on:


Tags #big business, #business, #criminals, #user interface, #software, #lower tax rate, #engineering

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Dilbert: Our tests show that people can't figure out how to use our software. And yet we still sell it. How are we different from criminals? Boss: Our tax rate is lower.

Software Killed Ted

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Software Killed Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 19, 2015's comic on:


Tags #invention, #software, #free will, #behavior, #murder, #anger, #glitch, #malfunction, #control, #self control, #psychology, #engineering

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Boss: I have a report that you killed Ted in a cafeteria brawl. Dilbert: Not exactly. My brain stimulator had a software glitch, and it made me homicidal for a minute. Boss: So... you're a murderer, right? Dilbert: Software killed Ted. I was only the weapon.

Wally Finds Critical Bug

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Wally Finds Critical Bug - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 07, 2018's comic on:


Tags #big business, #bug, #deception, #insider trading, #stock, #trick

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Wally: I found a critical bug in our software that could make our product worthless in a week. If you give me a huge raise, I won't tell anyone about the problem until you sell all of your company stock. Boss: Deal! Narrator: Two weeks later. Boss: Why haven't I heard about the bug yet? Wally: You didn't ask me if I knew how to fix it.

Software Specs

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Software Specs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 21, 2019's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #software, #specifications, #business, #problem, #unclear

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boss: how long will it take to write the software? dilbert: that depends. what do you want the software to do? boss: i don't know yet. dilbert: do you see the problem here? boss: is it you?