Stock Analyst Comic Strips
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Character
163 Results for Stock Analyst
View 1 - 10 results for stock analyst comic strips. Discover the best "Stock Analyst" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday January 29,
2001
Tags #stock analyst, #good things, #company, #weasels, #business
Transcript
Dogbert: your stock will rise if a stock analyst says good things about your company. The Boss: how is that even possible? Dogbert: one word: weasels. weasels: I just found my new pick and shovel core holding.
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Monday December 13,
2004
Tags #death, #down throat fist, #eat, #mouth, #punches, #ram fist grab pants, #stock analysts, #stranger, #threatens coworker, #boss unfazed, #violence, #medical
Transcript
Alice: I odnt know who you are, but I odnt like all of the questions you're asking. Im going to ram my fist down your throat , grab your pants and turn you inside out. Alice: eat, death stranger! The Boss: I see you've met our stock analyst,
Tuesday December 14,
2004
Tags #stock guy, #conflicts of interest, #knocked out, #fist down throat, #violence, #crime
Transcript
Alice: I didn't like the way he was looking at me. The Boss: "This isn't good." "He was the only stock analyst who had a "buy" recommendation on our company." Alice: "I think we're a "hold" now." The Boss: "Where will we find another one with so much conflict of interest??!"
Thursday December 16,
2004
Tags #own stock, #black berry, #dumps hares, #spiked, #profit, #buy a helicopter
Transcript
Tv stock analyst Do you own stock in the company you recommended? No, I used my blackberry ti dump my shares as soon as they spiked front my recommendation. This is very wrong now I'm using the profit to buy a helicopter.
Tuesday January 30,
2001
Tags #equity analyst, #rate stock, #banking investment, #wall, #between businesses, #weasels
Transcript
Equity Analyst Weasel: I'll rate your stock a "Must buy now" If you give us your investment banking business. The Boss: aren't you supposed yo have a chinese wall between those two businesses? weasel: Am I Too early? Weasel 1: Use the door idiot
Wednesday February 25,
2015
Asok The Stock Picking Genius
Tags #day trader, #greed, #investing, #luck, #money, #stock market, #stocks
Transcript
Asok: I bought my first stock and it went up five percent in one week!That means I'm a stock-picking genius. I plan to max out all of my credit cards and become a day-trader. Dilbert: The total market is up six percent. Asok: That's just luck. It can't do that forever.
Saturday October 01,
2011
Tags #saving & investment, #stock market, #mba, #losing money, #money in gold, #shiny portfolio, #money
Transcript
CEO: I have an MBA and yet I keep losing money in the stock market. How can this be? Boss: I put all of my money in gold because it's shiny. My portfolio doubled last year. I'm thinking of getting an MBA. How long does it take? A week?
Friday January 13,
2012
Tags #business failures/bankruptcies, #saving & investment, #raises, #debt crisis, #economic uncertainty, #board of directors, #stock options, #money
Transcript
Boss: I can't give you a raise because the Elbonian debt crisis has created economic uncertainty. Luckily for us, our board of directors granted our CEO more stock options so he won't leave during uncertain times. Dilbert: What happens when the uncertainty ends? Boss: Then he'll exercise stock options.
Wednesday March 14,
2012
Tags #new product development, #stock buy back, #stock market, #dream, #using capitol, #money
Transcript
CEO: I'm canceling all of our new product development and using the capital for a stock buy-back. Dilbert: This is a dream come true because I always wanted to be like you. CEO: In what way are you... Dilbert: Yay! I'm worthless!
Monday April 16,
2012
Tags #stock market, #good investment, #bitter, #last raise, #money
Transcript
Boss: The stock market is up today. I wonder if this is a good time to get in. Dilbert: If you wait until it goes up even further, then you'll know it's a good investment. Wally: Are you still bitter about your last raise? Dilbert: Not as much as I was a minute ago.