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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 2002's comic on:


Tags #telecommunting, #fired four years, #get email, #stopped coming

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The Boss turns to an employee and asks, "Who are you?" The employee responds, "I'm Allen. I've been telecommuting for four years." The Boss says, "Allen? I fired you four years ago. Didn't you get my e-mail?" Allen and Dilbert are walking. Allen says to Dilbert, "This is exactly why I stopped coming to the office."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 06, 2004's comic on:


Tags #bad news coming, #time stopped, #grows beard, #eternity later, #boss forgets

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Dilbert: Time has stopped until my boss gives me the bad news that he hinted was coming. Maybe I'll use the time to invent a new language and grow a beard. An Eternity later Dilbert: EE_YO NEBABA WANPONU GREP> The boss: I forgot why I wanted to talk to you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 28, 2012's comic on:


Tags #meetings, #marketing plan, #consumers, #research is stupid, #opposed to science, #rational thinking, #manifestaions, #pendantic, #semantics, #stopped talking

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Boss: ... and that's our marketing plan for the coming year. Dilbert: Research shows that consumers reject this sort of approach. Boss: Research is stupid. Dilbert: Are you saying the studies on this particular topic are flawed? Or are you just generally opposed to science, rational thinking, and all manifestations of common sense. Boss: Stop being pedantic with your semantics. Catbert: Did you get buy-in? Boss: Yes, in the sense that they stopped talking.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 22, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #anti-gravity, #formula, #sneeze, #coming, #burritos, #soon

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Dilbert floats through the house thinking, "Dogbert wasn't even impressed by my anti-gravity formula." Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh, I feel a sneeze coming . . ." Dilbert's sneeze propels him through the ceiling. Dogbert stands on a ladder under Dilbert's feet and says, "I guess we won't be going out for burritos anytime soon."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #smell, #suspected, #stopped, #neighbor, #cat, #trial, #pat, #pet

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Dilbert arrives at home carrying a briefcase. Dilbert asks, "How was your day, Dogbert?" Dogbert sniffs the air and asks, "Hey! What's that smell?" Dogbert smells Dilbert's hand and says, "Just as I suspected - you stopped to pet the neighbor's cat!" Dilbert says, "It meant nothing. It was more of a pat than a pet." Dilbert dials the phone and says, "Save your lies for the trial."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 28, 1994's comic on:


Tags #another war, #elbonia, #france, #french embassy, #french stopped bomb, #goading, #nothing worth destroying, #scarp metal

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Dilbert: "...The French stopped bombing Elbonia when they realized there was nothing worth destroying." "Ironically, the GNP of Elbonia tripled by selling the bomb fragments for scrap. When I left they were trying to goad France into another war." "French Embassy" Elbonian: "You call this swill champagne?? If we drank this we'd have to eat snails to get the taste out of our mouths too!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 1996's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil hr director, #big layoffs coming, #secret, #cats don't keep secrets

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Catbert peers over the wall and says, "Hey, Wally . . . Big layoffs coming." Catbert continues, "I've seen the list. I know more about your future than you do. But it's a secret." Catbert says, "Sadly, cats don't keep secrets very well." Ted says to Wally, "Nice chair."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 1997's comic on:


Tags #bearer, #bead news, #tragic, #find humor, #husband, #village people, #coming back, #relationships

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Dogbert stands on Dilbert's desk and says, "I'm going into business as a professional bearer of bad news." Dogbert continues, "I'll try to find the humor that is inherent in every tragic situation." Dogbert stands on a woman's doorstep. The woman says, "I give up. What IS the difference between my husband and the seventies pop group 'Village People'?" Dogbert says, "They're coming back."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 2001's comic on:


Tags #motivation fairy, #rewarding, #blurry vision, #long hors, #no raises, #no cubicle, #hair coming out, #wally fairy

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THE MOTIVATION FAIRY: The Fairy is sitting on top of Wally's computer monitor. Wally says, "It seems like your job isn't very rewarding." The Fairy, rubbing an eye, says, "Vision getting blurry." Wally says, "Long hours. No raises. No cubicle." The Fairy says, "Hair coming out in clumps." Wally watches as the Fairy flies away. The Fairy, looking exactly like Wally, with glasses and an almost bald head, says, "He's good. He's very good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 26, 2001's comic on:


Tags #always a troll, #came to accounting, #had a look, #hair fell out, #horns and tail, #stopped gym, #finance troll, #accounting troll

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The troll sits at its computer. Dilbert asks, "Were you always a troll?" The troll responds, "No, this happened when I came to accounting." The troll continues, "First my hair fell out. Then I stopped going to the gym." Dilbert responds, "You have horns and a tail." The Troll replies, "When I realized I had a look going, I just went for it."