Stops Short Comic Strips
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The boss reads from a piece of paper at the conferance table. The boss says, "There's been a rash of thefts from cubicles." The boss says, "The subject is described as fat and slow-witted, with pointy hair." The boss says, "The bulletin stops short of actually naming her Alice." Wally and Dilbet both turn to look at Alice.
The Boss stops Wally and Dilbert in the hallway and asks, "Why isn't my cell phone working?" Dilbert responds, "That's a short-range cell phone. You need to be in the same room with the person you call." The Boss, Asok, and Alice are sitting. The Boss has his phone up to his ear. He thinks, "Answer the stinkin' phone, Alice." Asok asks, "Why are listening to a TV remote control?"
Wally: My boss discriminates against me because I'm short, bald, and near-sighted. It's not my fault. I was born this way. Woman: And who is this little... whoa! Hello. Catbert: evil director of Human Resources. Literally.
Lawyer: I've been asked to settle your claim of discrimination against the company. Your complaint is that they discriminate against you for being short, bald, and nearsighted. I might have a conflict of interest, but my final offer is one billion dollars. Wally: Plus a statue and an apology. Company lawyer.
Woman: Okay, what's going on here? Dilbert: I'm creative. Studies show that women prefer creative men for short-term relationships. Woman: That plant is random, not creative. Dilbert: Creativity is random. If creativity were anything but random, someone would have figured out the algorithm by now. I notice that your pupils are dilating. That's a sign of attraction. My plan is working. Free will is an illusion. Humans are nothing but moist robots. Just relax and let it happen. Woman: This is weird. I'm actually attracted to you now. Dilbert: Thanks, but I'm going to shop around. Woman: My world no longer makes sense! Dilbert: Walk it off.
Dilbert sits at his desk. Bob and Dawn the Dinosaurs enter holding hands. Bob asks, "Can we talk?" Bob, Dawn and Dilbert sit at the table. Bob says, "Dawn and I want to have an egg." Dilbert asks, "And you want my blessing?" Bob says, "We want instructions." Dilbert says, "My 'National Geographics' stop just short . . ."
Dilbert and Wally stand in the hallway holding coffee cups. Wally says, "I'm thinking of quitting and becoming an entrepreneur." Wally continues, "I want to experience life on the edge, full of risk and challenge and adventure!" Dilbert says, "The company stops paying you if you quit." Wally responds, "Oh, then never mind."
Dilbert stands at the supermarket register. The clerk asks, "Paper or plastic bag?" The checker continues, "Paper that can be recycled . . . Or an evil, selfish, short-sighted, planet-destroying, stupid plastic bag?!!" Dilbert answers, "Plastic." The checker says, "Good. That's all we have."
Dilbert sits at a table with a woman who looks at his hand and says, "Your life line is very short." The sign behind them says, "Palm Reading $20." The woman writes on Dilbert's hand and says, "I can get you a few more years by extending the line with this grease pencil." Back at home, Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Someday I should go back and have her lengthen my intelligence line too." Dogbert replies, "I'd hurry."
Dilbert says to a short man, "Hi, Les." Les says, "You say that almost mockingly." Les continues, "The way you say it, my name sounds like 'Less.' I've told you a million times it's French -- pronounced 'Lez.'" Dilbert says, "You seem a little short-tempered." Les says, "Hey! That time you did it on purpose!!"