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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 03, 2011's comic on:


Tags #questioning, #shopping, #hardware, #powerpoint deck, #boss, #ambiguity, #mumbling, #change subject, #badger for answer, #too many questions

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Dilbert: Can you look at this bid and let me know if I can order the hardware? Boss: yes. Dilbert: Are you saying yes I can order the hardware, or yes you'll look at it? Boss: Mumble mumble. Dilbert: What? Boss: I need your input on my Powerpoint deck. Dilbert: So far, in response to my request, you've given me ambiguity, mumbling, and a change of subject. Would you prefer that I badger you for an answer until you get angry, or should I return to my cubicle and resume being ineffective? Boss: You ask too many questions.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 24, 2011's comic on:


Tags #boredom, #despair, #subject matter expert, #judging book

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Man: Everyone, this is Wally. He's our subject matter expert. Voices: Groan. Uh-oh. Sheesh. Oh well. Ugh. Wally: People are better than you'd think at judging a book by its cover.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 04, 1996's comic on:


Tags #new corporate trainer, #teach classes, #stress reduction, #teamwork, #burn in hell, #filthy weasel, #hired you, #subject matter expert

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Someone behind a desk tells Ratbert, "I'm looking for a new corporate trainer to help me teach classes in stress reduction, conflict resolution, and teamwork." Ratbert yells, "I'll burn in hell before I'll do your work plus my own, you filthy weasel!!!" Dilbert asks, "And they hired you?" Ratbert replies, "A good trainer doesn't have to be a subject matter expert."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 20, 1999's comic on:


Tags #observe vp, #duck blind, #cubicle material, #subject flossing

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The boss and Asok are sitting and facing each other. The boss says: "Asok, I want you to observe our VP so we can figure out what our priorities are." The boss tells Asok :We've built a duck blind in his office using cubicle material." Asok is hiding in the duck blind covered with leaves at the top. The V.P. is at his desk flossing his teeth. Asok thinks: "10:28 A.M., the subject is flossing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 18, 2000's comic on:


Tags #self paced, #online training, #sharpen my saw, #subject, #don't know subject, #confusing

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The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit together at a table. Wally says to the Boss, "I've been taking a self-paced online training course to sharpen my saw". The Boss replies, "What's the subject?" Wally answers, "I don't know." Frustrated with Wally's response, the Boss throws both arms in the air and yells, "How could you not know?" Wally answers, "What part of self-paced is confusing you?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 09, 2005's comic on:


Tags #worthless, #subject matter expert, #narrow field, #vague field

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Wally: "People think I'm worthless, but in fact I'm a subject-matter expert in a very narrow field." "It's so narrow that it requires no knowledge whatsoever." Dilbert: "What field is it?" Wally: "There's no way to know for sure."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 01, 2008's comic on:


Tags #cafe, #change subject, #date, #dinner date, #freinds, #hobbies, #internet, #obscure articles, #technology

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woman: do you have any hobbies?" Dilbert: I like to read obscure articles on the internet and image having friends who are interested in the same things. Woman: But you do have friends, right? Dilbert: Is it too late to change the subject?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 01, 2014's comic on:


Tags #choosing, #electronic mail, #successful habits, #eight things, #inspirational links, #emails, #change subject, #huge success

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Boss: Did you see my email about the eight things that successful people do? Dilbert: Yes. I did all eight things and now I'm a huge success. Boss: No you're not. Dilbert: I'm not? How's that possible? I did all of the things that successful people do. This only makes sense if the inspirational links you send me every day are a complete waste of time! So which one is it? Am I a huge success or do you email me worthless things? Boss: Maybe we should just change the subject. Dilbert: Is that what successful people do?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 24, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #guilty, #stealing, #millions, #insider, #trading, #scheme, #judge, #punishment

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Dogbert stands in front of a judge's bench in a courtroom. The judge says, "I find you guilty of stealing millions in an insider trading scheme." The judge says, "Let's see . . . According to my sliding scale of justice, the punishment at your income is . . . Hmm . . ." Back at home, Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I'm sentenced to be the subject of a Kitty Kelly biography."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #ridiculous, #Dilbert, #supercomputer, #create, #model, #predict, #life, #brain, #chemistry, #patterns, #cause and effect, #free will, #mad, #implies

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Dilbert sits at a desk and works on his supercomputer. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I'm using my new supercomputer to create a model that can predict your entire life." Dilbert continues, "You see, everything, including your brain chemistry, is subject to predictable patterns of cause and effect . . ." Dogbert replies, "That's ridiculous. It implies that we have no free will." Dilbert looks at the monitor and says, "Next, you start getting really mad at me."