Submit Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

18 Results for Submit

View 1 - 10 results for submit comic strips. Discover the best "Submit" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #despotic nations, #software license, #submit strip searches, #opening package

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk and reads the back of an envelope. He reads, "Software Licence: By opening this package you agree . . ." Dilbert reads, ". . . You will not make copies or export to despotic nations. You will submit to strip searches in your home . . ." Dilbert rips open the package. A large woman with a flashlight in her belt enters the room. She says, "Frankly, both of us would have been happier if you had just walked away."

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #document prcedures, #requirement, #engineers, #submit time cards, #magic cylinder, #trash can, #gone by morning, #five years, #no one complained

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert approaches Carol and says, "I need to document your procedures. It's an ISO 9000 requirement." Dilbert starts writing as he asks, "So...the engineers submit their time cards and then you do what?" Carol points to her desk and says, "I put them in a pile until I'm sure that they're all here." Carol points under her desk and continues, "Then I move them to the magic cylinder." Dibert asks, "The trash can?" Carol answers, "No, it's a magic cylinder. I put my work in there and by morning it's gone." Dilbert says, "I've been giving you my time card for five years." Carol responds, "No one has complained yet." Dilbert walks away thinking, "After today, I am NOT rounding to the nearest fifteen minutes."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #submit, #resume, #misguided optimism, #human will see resume, #email parents

View Transcript

Transcript

Click Submit" to post your resume on the jobs web site." "Now sit back and enjoy the misguided optimism that someday a human being will see it." "Be sure to tell your parents that you looked for a job today." "I'll e-mail them."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #drug, #testing, #performance, #attendance, #judged, #insult, #integrity

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk. The Boss asks, "Why have you refused to submit to our employee drug testing?" Dilbert replies, "It's violation of my privacy and an insult to my integrity. I demand to be judged only on my PERFORMANCE." The Boss says, "But your performance stinks," Dilbert says, "Performance AND attendance."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #jury, #trial, #Dogbert, #Dilbert

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says to the jury, "Although the insanity defense does not apply to my client, we have something just as good." Dogbert points to Dilbert and explains, "My client is an 'engineer savant.' He understands technology but nothing else." Dogbert pulls Dilbert's foot out from under the table and says, "As evidence, I submit my client's white socks, complete with the sock protector and auxiliary writing tools."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #quality award, #dishonest parts, #project lost budget, #assume project failed

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dilbert works on a laptop and says to Dogbert, "I have to submit my project for a 'quality' award. I'll need your help on the dishonest parts." Dilbert continues, "The real story is that the project lost its budget because its acronym was similar to a project that was canceled." Dogbert says, "Assume your project would have failed and claim the savings from avoiding it." Dilbert says, "You're spooky."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #temporary employee, #blink and gone, #balance of power, #shifted

View Transcript

Transcript

Ratbert sits in a chair facing a desk. Ratbert says, "I submit myself as a candidate for the position of 'temporary employee.'" Ratbert continues, "I'm VERY temporary. First I'll be in one place and then you blink and I'm gone! Blink, gone, blink, gone, blink, gone . . ." The person behind the desk says, "Stop saying 'Blink, gone.' It's making me nuts." Ratbert replies, "It appears that the balance of power has shifted my way."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #highly fragmented, #optimize heard drive, #vague, #one gig hard drive, #pentium processor

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert walks into the office building carrying a laptop computer in a case. A security guard with a huge head says to Dilbert, "Halt and submit to the mind scan of 'Brainitor, the Guardian of Security.'" Brainitor closes his eyes, puts his hands on his head and says, "The bag contains one computer . . . 'Pentium' processor . . . one gig hard drive . . . highly fragmented . . ." Brainitor continues, "Please wait while I optimize your hard disk . . ." Dilbert says, "This is vaguely unsettling."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #lord, #master, #worthless cretin, #telemarketing, #voice mail

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert and Dilbert sit on the couch. Dogbert dials a number on the telephone. Dogbert says, "I am Dogbert, your lord and master! Submit to my will, you worthless cretin!" Dilbert uses the remote control to change the TV channel. Dilbert asks, "Does telemarketing work for that sort of thing?" Dogbert replies, "You'll know tomorrow; that was your voice mail."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #asok, #alice, #report to alice, #email, #difficult communications

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss walks with Asok into Alice's cubicle. The boss says, "From now on, Asok, you'll report to Alice instead of me." The boss says, "You can never directly speak to me again. Everything must go through Alice." Asok turn to Alice. Asok says, "Tell him I understand." Alice says, "Submit your request by e-mail."