Summarized Accomplishments Comic Strips

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

45 Results for Summarized Accomplishments

View 1 - 10 results for summarized accomplishments comic strips. Discover the best "Summarized Accomplishments" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 1994's comic on:

Tags #summarized accomplishments, #ceo, #converts waste into penicillain, #calirovoyant, #invented wool, #sheep, #believe me

View Transcript

Transcript

"Have you summarized your accomplishments for our CEO?" "Almost done." "Okay - My body converts toxic waste into penicillin, I'm clairvoyant, and I invented wool." "I thought sheep invented wool." "Who are you gonna believe, them or me?"

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 05, 2012's comic on:

Tags #coffe lounge, #more vocal, #accomplishments, #bragging, #perfect substotute, #wind, #seat cushion

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I think I need to be more vocal about my accomplishments. Wally: I've found that bragging is a perfect substitute for accomplishing stuff. Dilbert: I plan to do both. Wally: Wow. You are the wind beneath my seat cushion.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 1994's comic on:

Tags #exaggerating accomplishments, #failing, #monkey, #more humiliating, #stupid monkey, #typical, #zimbu, #animals

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Our CEO cancelled his visit, He's sending his top aid, ZIMBU the monkey in his place. Dilbert: Isn't that typical? I spent a week exaggerating my accomplishments for this now he sends a stupid monkey! what could be more humiliating than trying to suck up to a monkey? Monkey: Failing at it?

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 26, 1995's comic on:

Tags #boss's ignorance, #advantage, #impresses him, #accomplishments, #barney suit, #secret identity

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says to Dilbert, "You must learn to use your boss's ignorance to your advantage." Dogbert continues, "Find out what impresses him and list it on your accomplishments." Dilbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss reads a document and says, "You're the actor in the 'Barney' suit?!! I love that guy!" Dilbert says, "Don't tell anybody my secret identity."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 28, 1995's comic on:

Tags #bob procurement, #duties are simple, #assume employees lie, #multimedia laptop, #demo labeler, #low cost substitutes, #savings, #accomplishments

View Transcript

Transcript

His boss in procurement explains to Bob the Dinosaur, "Your duties are simple. People will come to you and ask for things." Bob's boss continues, "Assume all employees are lying, treasure-hunting thieves. Give them low-cost substitutes and claim the savings on your accomplishments." An employee says to Bob, "I asked for a multimedia laptop PC. This is a 'Dymo' labeler." Bob responds, "Nice try, Paul, if that's your real name."

Dilbert Characters

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 10, 1997's comic on:

Tags #bullet point, #monthly accomplishments, #leveraged synergy, #technology platforms

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands behind Wally's desk and says, "I need a bullet point for your monthly accomplishments, Wally." Wally replies, "Put me down for, 'Leveraged synergy across all technology platforms.'" Dilbert says, "That was your accomplishment last month." Wally replies, "It's more of a journey than a destination."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 18, 1998's comic on:

Tags #judged by accomplishments, #not gender, #14th patent, #lunch banquet, #honor alice

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina the tech writer says to Alice, "Alice, one day I hope we can be judged by our accomplishments and not our gender." Alice says, "I got my fourteenth patent today. I'm on my way to a lunch banquet in my honor." Tina says, "And you wore THAT?" Alice frowns in anger."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 06, 1993's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #performance, #review, #process, #accomplishments, #cash, #value, #empowerment, #match, #motivational

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss tells Dilbert, "It's time for your annual performance review." The Boss continues, "The process is the same as usual." The Boss continues, "Make your accomplishments fit the trendy categories on this form." Dilbert reads, "'1. Estimate the cash value of the empowerment you displayed this year. Cite examples.'" The Boss says, "Try to make your accomplishments match the raise I've already decided for you." Dilbert asks, "Why don't you just tell me what you've decided?" The Boss responds, "What - and ruin the motivational value of the process??" The Boss thinks as he walks away, "How did I get stuck with all the cynical employees?"

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 11, 1998's comic on:

Tags #stellar week, #accomplishments, #data bits, #disaster recovery, #back up facility, #copy a file, #diskette, #resume

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Wally, and Dilbert sitting at table. Wally says, "I'm pleased to report another stellar week of accomplishments." Wally continues, "I moved more than 800,00 bits of data to a disaster recovery back-up facility!" As Dilbert and Wally walk away, Dilbert says, "Did you just take credit for copying a file to a diskette?" Wally says, "It was my resume."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 20, 1994's comic on:

Tags #share accomplishments, #created dcoument, #desktop publishing, #two day class, #digitized photos, #color highlights, #multi column, #clip art, #icons, #visual mosaic, #add topic, #some content, #enjoy work

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Let's go around the table and share our accomplishments." Dilbert says, "I created a document this week." Dilbert continues, "But THIS is no ordinary document!" Dilbert explains, "I bought a $500 desktop publishing program and took a two-day class to learn it." Dilbert continues, "I incorporated digitized photos and color highlights in a multi-column page layout!" Dilbert continues, "Clip-art icons are sprinkled liberally around the page to form a visual mosaic!" Dilbert continues, "Next week - God willing - I'll add a topic and some content." The Boss says, "Do you remember when I said you should enjoy your work? I didn't mean it." Dilbert says, "Ooh."