Search Results for "take risks"
Share September 08, 2001's comic on:
Alice is sitting at The Boss' desk. The Boss says, "Alice, you have to learn how to take risks." Alice replies, "You mean like quitting this putrid company and going to work someplace better?" The Boss asks Catbert, "Why doesn't anyone understand anything I say?" Catbert responds, "Three o'clock."
Share February 24, 2004's comic on:
Catbert: "According to this report, our employees are afraid to take risks." The Boss: "We can train them to take risks by giving them stretch goals and punishing them for failing!" Catbert: "We did that to raise morale." The Boss: "It stopped all the complaining, didn't it?"
Share June 26, 1991's comic on:
Dilbert and an executive sit at a table eating lunch. The executive says, "I have these lunches to find out what the workers are thinking. You may speak freely." Dilbert says, "Okay . . . It seems like the company is lacking leadership and direction. The executives squelch all initiative by punishing those who take risks and voice opinions." The executive puts some food on his fork and says, "You leave me little choice but to fling this au gratin potato at your forehead."
Share December 26, 1991's comic on:
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and asks, "What did you mean when you said all employees are empowered?" Dilbert continues, "Does that mean I can control my own budget, make decisions without twelve levels of approval, and take calculated risks on my own?" The Boss replies, "No, it's just a way to blame employees for not doing the things we tell them not to do." Dilbert hangs his head and says, "No wonder you needed a new word."
Share January 24, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert sits at a conference table with three other people. A man says, "Maybe Dilbert can tell us if our plan is technically feasible." Dilbert thinks, "For dramatic effect I'll scoff loudly." Dilbert thinks, "I'll just sort of laugh and snort and take a breath at the same time." Dilbert makes a strange noise. Dilbert thinks, "Oh no! Some spittle went down my air pipe . . . I'm choking." Dilbert falls over in his chair and makes choking noises. A woman asks, "Should we do something?" A man replies, "We're over our headcount, you know." Back at home, Dilbert tells Dogbert, ". . . And so I survived, but my professional credibility took a hit." Dogbert replies, "You knew the risks when you became an engineer."
Share February 14, 2011's comic on:
CEO MONKEY: The media is asking if you'll take the pledge to give your fortune to charity. CEO: That pledge is for billionaires! I only have $200 million to leave to my heir! On a semi-relayted notem find out who keep putting monkey DNA in my clones test tube.
Share March 15, 2011's comic on:
Coworker says, "I thought of your idea a year ago and rejected it for being impractical." Dilbert says, "Did you just take credit for my idea and diss it at the same time?" Coworker says, "Thanks for noticing." The Boss says, "He also cleverly implied that you're a moron." Coworker says, "It feels good to be appreciated!"
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Share October 27, 2011's comic on:
CEO: I will prove our industrial sludge is safe by forcing an intern to drink a glass of it. Voice: That's stupid. We want to see you drink it yourself. CEO: See if you can reach that guy in the second row with a spit take.
Share October 31, 1991's comic on:
Dilbert, Ted and a woman sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "Ted, can you explain number two?" Ted replies, "No. I'm on vacation." Ted explains, "I take my vacations in ten minute increments during regular work days. That way I can avoid assignments." Dilbert says, "Your ten minutes are up." Ted coughs and says, "Whoa, I'd better take some sick time."