Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I'm thinking of getting a tattoo." Dilbert continues, "On my shoulder . . . Something tasteful yet timeless. I don't want to regret it later." Dilbert asks, "Any suggestions?" Dogbert replies, "How about 'Kick me?'"
Asok the intern is making a presentation. He points to the display projected from his laptop computer and says, "My new product is a database of famous serial killers." Asok says, "You can search the database by name, weapon, or tattoo." Alice frowns. Alice turns to Wally and says, "Let me guess, Wally: Six months ago our young intern asked you what the term 'killer application' meant." The Boss looks on.
The boss: "We only have a 10% repeat customer rate whereas prisons have a 70% rate of recidivism."
"We need to focus our marketing on criminals because they don't learn from experience."
"Order now and get a free knuckle tattoo plus our free book 1,001 nicknames for women."
Boss: Did you ever think that getting that face tattoo might be a bad career move? Interviewee: No. Was there ever a time you thought overeating was a bad idea? Because people can see that. Boss: You don't interview well. Job interview
"What's that thing doing here?" "This is my daughter, Traylor." "I brought her to the office so she can learn about working in a corporate environment." "Okay, whatever. I have a new project for you." "Some idiot cut his finger. Now we have to do a safety awareness campaign." "Put on this dog costume. You're the mascot for our 'Spot' the safety hazard campaign." "Whenever anyone walks by, you say, 'Woof woof, don't use scissors.'" "Can I get a tattoo?" "Sure."
Carol: My teenager wants to pierce his ear. Should I let him? Dilbert: Sure. It's only a tiny hole and it heals. Carol: Good point. Narrator: Next day. Carol: Now he wants a small tattoo. Dilbert: Well, if it doesn't show... Narrator: Next week. Carol: Now he wants to grow a human ear on his back, the way scientists did with that rat. Dilbert: As long as he can cover it with a shirt when he gets a job, I see no problem. You have to let him live his own life. Narrator: One week later. Carol: He joined ISIS. Dilbert: I forgot to mention that I'm no good at giving advice.
Man: You never responded to my urgent request for engineering resources.
The Boss: "What?"
Man: "I told Alice to ask you!"
The Boss: "She must have forgotten."
Alice: "I sent you three e-mail messages."
The Boss: "You know I don't have time to read my e-mail."
Alice: "And I sent you a voicemail."
The Boss: "You know I don't have time for voice-mails."
Alice: "That's why I also.." "Tatooed it on your stinkin' chest!!!"
The Boss: "As if I have time to read my torso."
boss: the company is considering no longer requiring employees to wear i.d. badges.
asok yelling: yes! freedom!
dilbert: too too. hold... hold...
boss: ...in favor of permanent forehead tattoos.
dilbert: always wait for the second part.
