Team That Invented Comic Strips
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298 Results for Team That Invented
View 1 - 10 results for team that invented comic strips. Discover the best "Team That Invented" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday July 30,
2000
Tags #candidate for engineering, #resume, #invented e-commerce, #hire now, #team that invented, #teach paul, #to invent things
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Help me interview a candidate for engineering." The Boss says to Dilbert, "I think he's terrific!" Dilbert thinks to himself, "Uh-oh." During the interview, Dilbert says to the candidate, "According to your resume, Paul, you invented e-commerce." The Boss says, "Wow!" The Boss then exclaims, "I'm going to hire him right now!" Dilbert replies, "Hold on." Dilbert says to Paul, "Paul, you didn't really invent e-commerce, did you?" Paul ansers, "Well..." Paul continues, "Maybe I was...um...part of the team that invented it." Dilbert, now agitated, yells "No one invented e-commerce!" The Boss, completely oblivious to all that 's been said asks Paul, "When can you start?" Dilbert asks the Boss, "Why am I here?" The Boss responds, "Maybe Paul can teach you how to invent things."
Sunday November 20,
2011
Tags #crimes, #gadgets, #inventions, #world class invenotr, #invented prodcuts, #key memeber, #fired for stealing, #stuff to steal, #high five, #hits boss
Transcript
Boss: I hired a world-class inventor. Meet Toby. When he worked for our competitor, he invented their coolest product. Toby: I was just a member of a team. Boss: A key member! Toby: Until they fired me for stealing. Wally: You came to the right place. We have tons of stuff to steal and no one ever gets caught! Toby: Give me a high five with a boss head in the middle! Noise: SLAP! Toby: That's the only thing I ever invented. Wally: Have you seen our storage closet?
Saturday October 17,
2015
Selfish Team Player
Tags #hypocrisy, #team, #semantics, #flaw, #personality disorder, #success, #selfish, #business
Transcript
Asok: If being selfish is necessary for success, how can I claim to be a team player? Wally: I like to use a tool called hypocrisy. Asok: That is actually a character flaw. Wally: Oh. No wonder people are so prickly about it.
Tuesday March 13,
2018
Team Building Lunch
Tags #lunch, #team, #teamwork, #team-building, #business
Transcript
Dilbert: Is everyone ready to go to lunch yet? I've been waiting for ninety minutes. Alice: We just got back. No one noticed you weren't with us. Dogbert: How was your team-building lunch? Dilbert: Suboptimal.
Thursday April 05,
2018
Team Building Dance
Tags #team-building, #dance, #rules, #restrictions, #Fun
Transcript
Boss: This year's team-building event will be a dance. No alcohol will be served. The event is for employees only, and you're not allowed to touch each other. Have a great time. Dilbert: How?
Friday June 17,
2011
Tags #business ethics, #inefficiencies, #kaizen team, #soultions, #busy, #being ineffcient, #ignorance, #aggressive type of objectivity
Transcript
Wally: I noticed some inefficiencies in another department, so I formed a Kaizen team to find solutions. I asked some of the peopl in that department to be on the team, but they were busy being inefficient. With any luck, my ignorance of their function will be seen as an aggressive type of objectivity.
Thursday January 26,
2012
Tags #cruelty, #destructive criticism, #dumb, #employees, #team, #hired, #meeting, #business
Transcript
Boss: I'd like to begin the meeting by giving Dilbert some destructive criticism. Everything you do is dumb. I don't know why I hired you. I feel much more motivated now. If you feel a little bit worse, we came out ahead as a team.
Monday March 12,
2012
Tags #engineers, #squirming, #team players, #thwart inaction
Transcript
Co-worker: Why are all the engineers in this meeting squirming when I talk? Did your boss order you to act like team players during this meeting and later thwart me by inaction? Answer me!
Tuesday August 28,
1990
Tags #bob, #dinosaur, #hardware, #store, #phillips screw, #fern, #invented
Transcript
Dilbert arrives at home carrying a bag full of tools. Bob the Dinosaur says, "Looks like another shopping binge at the hardware store." Dilbert replies, "I couldn't resist." Dilbert takes a drill out of the bag and says, "Gee, Bob, what did dinosaurs do before tools were invented?" Bob replies, "It was hard . . ." Bob continues, "Sometime, you should try to tighten a Phillips screw with a fern." Dilbert replies, "That's no way to live."
Wednesday December 25,
1991
Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #invented, #auto petter, #machine, #dumbest, #idea
Transcript
Dilbert holds a device and says to Dogbert, "I invented an auto-petter machine for you." Dilbert straps the machine to Dogbert's back. The auto-petter has a hand that rests on Dogbert's head. Dogbert says, "This is perhaps your dumbest idea ever." Dilbert starts the device and kneels on the floor in front of Dogbert. Dilbert says, "You like it. Admit it." Dogbert says, "Leave us alone."