Technical Certificate Comic Strips

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139 Results for Technical Certificate

View 1 - 10 results for technical certificate comic strips. Discover the best "Technical Certificate" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technical certificate, #new power, #better job, #different comaony, #hired you

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An employee says to the Boss, "Ha Ha! You never should have let me get a technical certification." The employee continues to explain, "I used my new power to get a better job at a different company." The Boss replies, "Tell me again why I hired you?"

Technical Analysis

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Technical Analysis - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #bad advice, #investing, #stock market, #stocks, #squirrel sitting, #clown shoulder, #technical analysis, #money

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Lessons in Investing. Boss: You should buy a stock whenever the chart looks like a squirrel sitting on a clown's shoulder. That's called "technical analysis." Asok: I'm not going to do that. Boss: Good. Because it doesn't work if everyone does it.

Too Technical For Boss

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Too Technical For Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #technology, #boss, #technical, #answer, #follow, #understand, #video call, #laptop, #5g, #signal, #jargon, #dumb

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dilbert and boss on video call. dilbert: my answer will be highly technical, so you might not be able to follow. boss: pfft! try me. dilbert: if the 5g node flurtifies the adjunct signal modulator, the entire neural honeycomb will transverpilate. boss: did i suddenly get dumber? dilbert: not suddenly, no.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #honesty, #writing, #write, #birds walk keyboard, #Opinion, #technical part, #blabbing the ethernet

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Alice says, "Is this how you really write, or did birds walk on your keyboard?" Alice says, "I only need your opinion on the technical part of it." Alice says, "Okay, let's assume that your readers will know what you mean by 'blobbing on the ethernet.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cruelty, #embarrassment, #not judeg, #quality of question, #technical

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Man: ... and so, that's my question. Dilbert: I try to not judge people by the quality of the technical questions they ask. Man: Is it working? Dilbert: Not even a little.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #keep brain out, #laziness, #long and complicated, #technical recommendation, #thinking, #make decision

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Dilbert: Did you read my technical recommendation? Boss: No. It's too long and complicated. Dilbert: How do you plan to make a decision without reading it? Boss: I'll use my gut. Dilbert: It's probably a good idea to keep your brain out of this. Boss: Quiet! It's saying something. Noise: GROWL.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #electronic mail, #answer email, #signal to noise, #technical problem

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Boss: You didn't answer my email. Dilbert: I tried to read it but the signal-to-noise ratio was too low. Boss: So it's sort of a technical problem? Dilbert: Okay.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #executives, #ignorance (knowledge), #technical details, #idea, #deciosns, #people involved, #pale and poorly dressed, #business

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Boss: Stop right there. Don't tell me the technical details of your idea. I make my decisions based on what I know about the people involved. Dilbert: You know less about me than you know about my idea. Boss: Is your idea pale and poorly dressed?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #editors, #writing, #pointless, #confusing, #technical writer, #highly trained, #trick question, #paragraph two

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Dilbert: Your second paragraph is pointless and confusing. Let's just delete it. Tina: I'm a highly trained technical writer. What makes you think you can do my job better? Dilbert: That might be a trick questions, but I'm pretty sure the answer is paragraph two.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #technical, #listening, #conclusion, #consciousness

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Dilbert and three people sit at a conference table. A man asks, "Well, Dilbert, will our idea work from a technical perspective?" Dilbert thinks, "I wasn't listening . . . Now I'll have to babble about irrelevant technical things until they lose consciousness." The people are all asleep. Dilbert says, "And in conclusion, never underestimate the power of technology."