Search Results for "technology buddha"
Share April 12, 2000's comic on:
The Boss says to Dilbert while sitting at his desk, "Take this to the technology Buddha for enlightenment." Dilbert thinks to himself upon entering the Buddha's office and seeing him with his eyes closed and both hands on the desk, "He's busy meditating." Dilbert goes and stands next to the Buddha's chair all the while thinking to himself, "He must be very wise." The Buddha thinks to himself with both eyes shut, "Huge bowl of vanilla ice cream."
Share April 13, 2000's comic on:
Dilbert asks the Buddha, "How did you become so enlightened?" The Buddha replies, both eyes still closed "I just eat a lot and tell people their ideas stink." The Buddha looks at the paper Dilbert hands him and asks sarcastically, "Whose shoe did you scrape this off of?
Share March 26, 2011's comic on:
Carol says, "Hey, Asok. I'm updating our employee profiles. Where'd you go to school?" Asok says, "I graduated from the Indian Institute of Technology in Lucknow with a double major in engineering and physics, and a minor in false humility." Asok says, "For my combined thesis I terraformed a planet in another dimension and didn't tell anyone." Carol says, "I'll put 'Indian.'"
Share May 20, 2011's comic on:
Boss: I no longer understand anything my employees say. I must be so out of touch with technology that I don't even recognize the words. Wally: I flushed the gravitons out of the warp drive and rebalanced the subspace responders.
Share February 21, 2011's comic on:
Woman says, "You used the entire engineering portion of my project budget just learning the new technology." Wally says, "I'm sorry things didn't work out for you." Wally says, "Some say I'm a slow learner, but I like to think of myself as expensive."
Share March 20, 2011's comic on:
The Boss says, "Asok, get me the reliability stats for our previous model." Asok says, "I am fairly certain the data does not exist." The Boss says, "Wally can show you how to get it." Wally says, "Come with me." Wally says, "You start by typing random numbers into a spreadsheet." Asok says,"Then what?" Wally says, "Then you're done." Wally says, "All business data is intentionally misleading. I just take it to the next level." Wally says, "A deep understanding of reality is exactly the same thing as laziness." Asok says, "That can't be right." Wally says, "Have you ever seen a statue of Buddha jogging?"
Share October 17, 2011's comic on:
Boss: I need you to put together a five-year technology plan for our CEO. Dilbert: Sure. How about "tomorrow will be the same as today, and next year will be all flying cars and whatnot." Boss: Word it up and put a bow on it. Dilbert: I'll add a pie chart for the sizzle.
Share March 11, 2012's comic on:
Boss: Did you get the email I texted to you? Co-worker: What? That doesn't even make sense. What the heck is wrong with you? Dilbert: Let it go. He slips in and out of understanding basic technology. Boss: Do we have enough room in the cloud for Skype? Because if we don't, we can store some files on the wi-fi. Dilbert: I got this. We have plenty of space because we upgraded to a cumulonimbus cloud. Boss: Very good. Moving on.
Share March 21, 2012's comic on:
Boss: I can't sign off on this technology plan because I don't understand it. Dilbert: To be fair, you wouldn't understand any technology plan, including the "do nothing" scenario. Is this one of those cases where context isn't helpful?
Share May 19, 2012's comic on:
Applicant: I skipped my senior year of college to launch my first of three start-ups. I believe in lifelong learning. I have every technology certification relevant to my field. Boss: He's uneducated.