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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 04, 2014's comic on:


Tags #art education, #engineers, #inventions, #humans do cretaive, #robots, #technology work, #liberal arts majors, #origami, #game

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Robot: Someday robots will do all of the technology work and humans will only do creative jobs. If you engineers work hard, someday the spoils will go to the liberal arts majors who partied while you studied. I hear good things about origami. It's not too late to get into that game.

Cyborg Makes Wally Unnecessary

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Cyborg Makes Wally Unnecessary - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 2017's comic on:


Tags #automation, #cyborg, #technology, #work ethic

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Randy: I am using the microchip in my brain to plan the entire project. Okay... done. The rest of you can go back to your cubicles and continue doing nothing. Wally: I spent my entire life getting ready for this sort of future and it's going down easy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 10, 1994's comic on:


Tags #no work, #invented code, #accounting systems, #mid 80s, #undocumented spaghetti logic, #holy grail, #technology

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Dilbert: "I've never seen you do any real work around here, Irv. How do you get away with it?" IRV: "I wrote the code for our accounting system back in the mid-eighties. It's a million lines of undocumented spaghetti logic." DILBERT: "It's the Holy Grail of technology!!" IRV: "You boys may find a little extra in your envelopes this month."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 07, 2001's comic on:


Tags #battery technology, #question motives, #transformation, #lying, #avoid work, #manual labor

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Dilbert says to a female co-worker, "No known battery technology can handle this load and be this size." The female co-worker folds her arms as Dilbert says, "That's not what you wanted to hear." The female co-worker grimaces as Dilbert says, "So your mind will erase what I said..." Dilbert continues, "... And replace the memory with something totally ridiculous so you can question my motives." The female co-worker grunts, "Gaah!" Dilbert thinks, "The transformation is complete." The female co-worker exclaims, "How can you say there's no such thing as a battery?!" The female co-worker berates Dilbert, "You're lying to avoid work! I'm going to talk to your boss!" Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Lately, the only thing keeping me from being a serial killer is my distaste for manual labor." Dogbert says, "You're preaching to the choir."

Marketing Is Only Legal Because It Doesn't Work

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Marketing Is Only Legal Because It Doesn't Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 07, 2015's comic on:


Tags #etiquette & ethics, #marketing, #robot, #robotics, #slave, #technology, #emotionally manipulate, #marketing leagl, #enslave humans, #business

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Coworker: Sales are up 900% since we programmed our robots to emotionally manipulate their owners into buying upgrades. Dilbert: Um, you do know marketing is only legal because it doesn't work most of the time, right? Coworker; Nope. I do not know that. Shiny! Dilbert: We invented a technology to enslave homo sapiens?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 2011's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #laziness, #project budget, #new technology, #slow learner, #expensive

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Woman says, "You used the entire engineering portion of my project budget just learning the new technology." Wally says, "I'm sorry things didn't work out for you." Wally says, "Some say I'm a slow learner, but I like to think of myself as expensive."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 14, 1994's comic on:


Tags #not welcome, #against rules, #eat ratbert, #work not done, #natural enemy, #keyboard, #mouse, #computer, #technology

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"You're not welcome here, Cat. It's against house rules to eat Ratbert." "My work here is not done until I have pounced on my natural enemy." "Who are you, and what are you doing on my keyboard?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 1995's comic on:


Tags #pathological liar, #work, #luck, #phd in laitology, #from mit, #diploma

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Dilbert asks Dogbert who sits on the armrest of the couch, "Dogbert, I need your help dealing with a pathological liar at work." Dogbert says, "You're in luck. I happen to have a Ph.D. in Liatology from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology." Dilbert crosses his arms and says defiantly, "I'd love to see your diploma." Dogbert replies, "I'll mail it to you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 01, 1995's comic on:


Tags #cell phone, #laptop, #allow work, #lug around, #worry, #broken, #stolen, #technology

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table. Dilbert says, "My cellular phone and laptop computer allow me to work any time and anyplace . . ." Dogbert asks, "While driving?" Dilbert answers, "Too dangerous." Dogbert asks, "In restaurants?" Dilbert answers, "Too rude." Dogbert asks, "Outdoors?" Dilbert answers, "Nope." Dogbert concludes, "Basically, you lug them around and worry that they'll get stolen or broken." Dilbert fondles his laptop and says, "Stop it. You're scaring them."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 03, 1997's comic on:


Tags #designing a brochure, #emphasize things, #product unique, #higher prices, #stale technology, #fewer feature

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The caption says, "Designing a brochure." Dilbert sits at a conference table with a man from marketing. Dilbert says, "We'll want to emphasize the things that make our product unique." The man says, "Good good." Dilbert says, "Let's see . . . We have higher prices . . . Stale technology . . . Fewer features . . . And it's hard to use." Dilbert asks, "Can you work with that?" The man replies, "Suddenly I don't feel so bad that we won't be using 100 percent recycled paper."