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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 06, 2007's comic on:

Tags #new dress code, #consolidating, #offcies, #20 people cubicle, #impossible, #thin film pil, #no clothes, #bad conditions, #worst place work, #awards, #demoralize, #inhumane, #horrid conditions

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Catbert: The new dress code is a thin film of oil. "We're consolidating offices and we need to fit twenty people in each cubicle." Dilbert: "They've pretty much given up on winning one of those awards for best places to work."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 04, 2008's comic on:

Tags #antimatter dilbert, #matterscreen, #coffee, #annihilated

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Anti-Dilbert says, "I'm the antimatter Dilbert. If my thin film of matterscreen washed off, I would come in contact with matter and be annihilated." SPLOOSH! KABOOM! Alice thinks, "Once again, my first instinct wasn't the best."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 19, 1992's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #insecure, #insult, #thin, #sexy, #whale, #bad, #hairdo

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Dogbert walks outdoors thinking, "It's easy to make insecure people insult themselves." Dogbert says to a woman, "Good morning, ma'am. You look thin and sexy today!" The woman replies, "Sexy?! Ha! I'm a whale . . . A whale with a bad hairdo!" Dogbert walks away humming and thinking, "Next."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 19, 1994's comic on:

Tags #static, #copyright, #fifty billion, #film library, #blow deal, #copyrighted everything

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Dilbert: You can't copyright the static on blank TV channels! Dogbert: "I already did." Dilbert: "You can't let my company pay fifty billion dollars to buy your so-called film library." Dogbert: "I already am." Dilbert: "I may have to blow the whistle on this deal." DOgbert: "It'll have to be a nose whistle - I copyrighted everything else."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 05, 1994's comic on:

Tags #engineer, #shut down factory, #ethical, #make film, #empowered, #more women in management, #down for day, #ego booster, #endangered bird, #parking lot, #engineering

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"From now on, any engineer can shut down our factory for any reason." "Later we'll film a commercial about how ethical and empowered you are." "Ha! Give me a raise, Tubby, or the factory's going down!" "You can't shut it down, I'm shutting it down until more women are in top management." "I'd like to shut it down for a day, just as an ego booster. Is Tuesday good?" "Didn't any of you hear that there's an endangered bird living in the parking lot??" "I think I parked on it this morning." "Can we get back to the point?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 27, 2000's comic on:

Tags #cd rom business card, #character flaw, #film archive

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Dilbert tells a woman: "Here's my CD-ROM business card." He continues: "It has a film archive of all my character flaws." The woman asks Dilbert: "Including this one?" Dilbert answers: "It's number 34."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 1999's comic on:

Tags #the hindenburg, #famous cigar shaped ballon, #thank alice, #theme, #choosing, #planning, #event, #enjoy film, #hidenburg, #the humanity, #detonate

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The boss standsa at a podium dressed in a costume that includes a large blimp attached to his head. The boss says, "Welcome..." The boss says, "To our annual employee meeting." Dilbert, Alice and Wally dressed in casual clothes listen. The boss says, "Our theme this year is "The hindenburg." The boss says, "...which I'm told was a famous cigar shaped balloon." The boss says, "Let's all thank Alice for choosing the theme and planning the event. Wally and Dilbert clap. The boss says, "Now please enjoy this film clip of the Hindenberg" The boss watches shocked. From the TV, "AAAgh! The humanity!" Wally says, "He's coming for you. Detonate his costume." Alice who holds a radio control says, "One, two..."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 2010's comic on:

Tags #tv newsroom, #switches off brain, #abilities, #science segment, #film celebrities, #rational decisions

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TV Newsroom Dilbert says, "I invented a drug that switches off the brain's ability to make rational decisions." Dilbert says, "I think it would make a good story for your science segment." Man says, "Or we could drug-dart celebrities and film what happens." Dilbert says, "For science, right?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 02, 2007's comic on:

Tags #hired sadits, #thin th herd, #looks slow

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The Boss: I hired a sadist. Dilbert: Why? Th boss: I'll be using you her to thin the heard. Dilbert: Herd? Sadist: That one looks slow. The Boss: That all look like that.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 05, 2006's comic on:

Tags #hard drive, #too much smut, #film clips, #poor lighting, #move to external, #server, #disabled firewall

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"Alice, my laptop is slowing down. Can you take a look at it?" "Here's the problem. There's too much smut on your hard drive." "I recommend deleting the film clips that have poor lighting." "And here's a whole category that you haven't looked at in weeks." "I'll move those to an external drive in case you need 'em later." "Wally has all this stuff on the server. You don't need it on your laptop." "What the...? You pinhead! You disabled your firewall!" "If you work here long enough, your outrage ends up in all of the wrong places." "Who moved my stapler?!!"