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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 05, 1996's comic on:


Tags #pre meeting, #preliminary pre meeting meeting, #without planning, #think funny, #wally dilbert, #the boss

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Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss says, "Let's have a little premeeting to prepare for the meeting tomorrow." Dilbert says, "Whoa! Do you think it's safe to jump right into the premeeting without planning it?" The Boss, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Okay, let's get this preliminary premeeting meeting going." Wally says to Dilbert, "You think you're funny, but you're not."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 02, 1997's comic on:


Tags #everyone talks funny, #not morons, #incapable, #clear communication, #think outside box, #watch ego, #before ego dies, #rebel, #do it

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The Boss sits at his desk. Asok the Intern says, "I finally figured out why everyone talks so funny in this company." Asok says, "We're not morons who are incapable of clear communication. We're rebels who like to 'think outside the box.'" The Boss says, "It's always fascinating to watch and ego just before is dies." Asok says, "I'm a rebel! Task me witha 'do it'.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 30, 1998's comic on:


Tags #overpaid, #do bad work, #Funny, #think about it, #terrible job, #job security

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Dogbert sitting next to Dilbert while he types on his computer. Dogbert says, "As a consultant, I'm overpaid even if I do bad work." Dogbert continues, "Whereas you're underpaid even if you do good work. It's funny if you think about it." Dilbert, while typing, replies, "I might have a terrible job, but at least I don't have any job security."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 12, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #dog, #help, #single, #Women, #attractive, #petable, #cuter, #Funny, #impression, #frothing, #john sununu

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dilbert says, "As my dog, I think you should be doing more to help me meet attractive single women during our walks." Dilbert continues, "Try to be cuter, and look more pet-able." Dilbert continues, "And it's not funny when you do your impression of a frothing mad dog every time somebody walks by." Dogbert replies, "That's my John Sununu impression."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 05, 1993's comic on:


Tags #cars, #clean, #letters, #express, #outrage, #editor, #Funny, #pages, #sarcasm, #children, #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #time

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The caption says, "Their cars are always clean." A man polishes his car with a cloth. The caption says, "They write letters to express their outrage." A man sits at a table with an open newspaper next to him. The man writes, "Dear Editor, The funny pages is no place for sarcasm! Think about the CHILDREN!" The caption says, "They read the same book more than once." Dilbert sits in his chair reading a book and laughing. Dogbert says, "They are the people with way too much time on their hands."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 05, 1996's comic on:


Tags #both dead, #doing nothing, #hundred years, #spread joy, #whats funny, #working hard, #ratbert, #Dilbert

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Ratbert walks across Dilbert's desk and says, "You know what's funny? I'll tell you." Ratbert continues, "You're working hard. I'm doing nothing. In a hundred years we'll both be dead." Dilbert says angrily, "You might not need to wait that long." Ratbert says as he walks away, "I think I'll spread some joy over this way."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 30, 2001's comic on:


Tags #think aloud, #cost, #monkeys, #swallow tongue, #distarctions, #stream of consciousness

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "Okay, let me think aloud for a minute." The Boss continues, "The cost will be $3,000... losing focus... monkeys are funny... my tongue is digesting in my mouth." The Boss concludes, "That didn't help as much as I had hoped."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 11, 2001's comic on:


Tags #master of delegation, #footsteps, #third thing, #valuable time, #vendor, #two minute call, #Funny, #conversation

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The Boss is hiding behind a doorway as Dilbert walks toward him. The Boss thinks, "The Master of Delegation hears the footsteps of his prey." Sticking his head out the door, The Boss says, "Hi." A startled Dilbert exclaims, "Gaaa!!" The Boss says to Dilbert, "Call this vendor and tell him I want the third thing he told me about." Dilbert says to The Boss, "Okay. That will save two minutes of your valuable time." Dilbert says, "When the vendor asks me dozens of questions should I just guess at the answers?" Dilbert asks The Boss, "Or would you prefer to spend an hour giving me enough background so you can avoid a two-minute call?" Dilbert says, "You know what's funny? This conversation lasted a minute... And there are two of us." The Boss asks, "Are you done?" Dilbert says, "I think you wrote down your own phone number."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 10, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anxiety, #stress, #meltdown cubicle, #theoretical workload limit, #brains full, #becomes overdue, #projects overdue, #tasks, #urgent, #funny noise, #missed dead line

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Voice: Meltdown in cubicle 459540! Dilbert: That's Te. He must have reached his T.W.L. Asok: His what? Dilbert: Theoretical workload limit. In layman's terms, his brain is full. It starts when just one of your projects becomes overdue. You end up spending all of your time explaining why you didn't get it done. That makes all of your other projects overdue. When ever task become urgent, your brain can't decide what to do next. Brains make a funny noise when they shut down. Noise: Poink. Asok: Uh-oh. I just missed a deadline. Wally: And so it begins.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 26, 2011's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #laziness, #writing materials, #pile, #busget numbers, #print again, #think murder

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Boss: I need your latest budget numbers. Dilbert: I put them on that pile yesterday. Boss: I don't have time to look through a pile. Go print it out again. Dilbert: How many times per day is it okay to think about murder? Wally: I'm up to six and it's only lunchtime.