Time Off For Death Comic Strips
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1000 Results for Time Off For Death
View 1 - 10 results for time off for death comic strips. Discover the best "Time Off For Death" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday January 22,
1997
Tags #canceling life insurance, #Catbert, #evil hr director, #extend vacations, #family freindly, #no longer allow, #remove incentives, #time off for death, #kill relatives
Transcript
Catbert stands at his desk and types, "Effective immediately, the company will no longer allow time off for the death of a family member." Catbert continues, "This 'family friendly' policy will remove your incentive to extend vacations by killing relatives." Catbert continues, "And more good news: we're canceling your life insurance so your family won't try to snuff you out either."
Monday February 12,
1996
Tags #Catbert, #dierctor, #eliminate sick days, #evil human resources, #too much time off, #use vacation days, #demons of darkness
Transcript
Catbert stands on the desk and thinks, "The employees have too much time off. It must be stopped." Catbert waves his arms and shouts, "I summon the demons of Darkness to assist me!!!" Catbert sits on the monitor while Phil, the demon of Heck, says, ". . . Eliminate sick days. Make them use vacation days when they're ill. Call it a 'time bank.'" Catbert says, "It's playful . . . It's cruel . . . I like it."
Tuesday April 22,
1997
Tags #family freindly, #policy, #childless people, #tax, #child care, #lower profit sharing, #time off, #pick up slack, #victim
Transcript
Dilbert tells Alice, "This so-called 'Family Friendly' policy is like a tax on childless people." Dilbert continues, "You get child-care; I get lower profit-sharing. YOU get time off for family; I get to pick up your slack . . ." Dilbert says, "I'm a victim, but in some strange way I'm enjoying it." Alice makes a fist and rolls up her sleeve. She says, "Then you'll love this."
Thursday October 04,
2007
Tags #vacation time, #off next week, #cures eyou, #so much work, #die! relieve stress, #unsupportive
Transcript
The boss: "Remember to use all of your vacation time before year end." Asok: "I'm off next week." The Boss: "What! I curse you for taking time off when we have so much work to do! DIE, DIE, DIE!!!" "Anyway, the point is that vacations help relieve your stress."
Tuesday October 02,
2018
Death In The Family
Tuesday June 16,
2015
Click Rate On Death Alerts
Tags #advertising, #technology, #analytics, #smart watch, #app, #ad, #click, #clickbait, #attention, #distraction
Transcript
Boss: Our health app accurately predicts the user's time of death and sends a five-minute warning. Our business model is paid advertising that we disguise as "death alerts." CEO: How's the click-through rate? Boss: Surprisingly low. It's hard to get people's attention these days.
Sunday August 09,
2015
Tags #employee, #Advice, #health, #wellness, #money, #cost, #work ethic, #fatigue, #Family, #marriage, #support, #insult, #relationships
Transcript
Dilbert: The long hours of work are taking a toll on my body. Can I take some time off for my health? Boss; That would defeat the whole point of being an employee. You are supposed to be trading your health and happiness for money. Then you give that money to your family and watch them spend it while you eat yourself to death. It's a circle of life sort of thing. Dilbert: I'm not married. Boss: Loser.
Monday July 25,
2016
Wally Asks About Bereavement Leave
Tags #laziness, #bereavement, #deception, #time off
Transcript
Wally: Does the company offer bereavement leave? Boss: Yes. Wally: Good, because I have hundreds of cousins that don't 'take care of themselves. Cousin Ronnie just fell off a shed.
Tuesday July 26,
2016
Wally's Cousin Ronnie Dies
Tags #human resources, #hr, #funeral, #time off, #bereavement, #business
Transcript
Wally: I need to take some bereavement time, with pay, because my cousin Ronnie died. Catbert: Cousins don't count unless you married one. Wally: We were domestic partners. What's the police on that, you bigot?
Thursday November 14,
2019
Attending A Funeral
Tags #managers & supervisors, #time off, #funeral, #sick, #unsympathetic
Transcript
carol talking to distracted boss on cell phone: can i take the day off to attend a funeral? boss: sure. i didn't even know you were sick. carol: it's not my own funeral. boss: oh. in that case, no.