Times Comic Strips
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Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the couch looking through a photo album. Dilbert says, "Here's a picture of my uncle just before he was drafted. He was awarded eleven purple hearts." Dogbert asks, "He was wounded eleven times?!" Dilbert replies, "Uncle William insisted that his friends call him 'Will' . . ." Three soldiers kneel in a trench. A commanding officer yells, "Okay, men, fire at will!!" and the other soldiers look at Will.
Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dilbert says, "I really enjoy these quiet times we have." Dilbert continues, "Just delicious silence. No annoying noise. No inane chatter." Dogbert says, "Apparently you don't listen to you, either."
Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman says, "I like a man who makes eye contact." Dilbert thinks, "Uh no . . . Uncontrollable urge to look away . . . I've got to blink about twenty times. Why did she have to bring that up?" Dilbert covers his eyes, screams, knocks his drink over and blinks repeatedly. The woman turns to the reader and says, "I love doing that."
Dogbert sits on a trashcan and says to the garbage man, "Maybe I'll never solve the mystery of why Dilbert's neckties curl up." The garbage man says, "Sometimes, Dogbert, life presents us with mysteries to fuel our sense of wonder . . . It stimulates us to reach beyond ourselves to something greater." Dogbert asks, "This isn't one of those times, is it?" The garbage man says, "Apparently not."
Dilbert says to a short man, "Hi, Les." Les says, "You say that almost mockingly." Les continues, "The way you say it, my name sounds like 'Less.' I've told you a million times it's French -- pronounced 'Lez.'" Dilbert says, "You seem a little short-tempered." Les says, "Hey! That time you did it on purpose!!"
Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman grabs her throat and says, "Mphf! Aack! Cough! Hmp! Gurgle!" As the woman slumps onto the table, Dilbert says, "If you're pretending to choke to death to end our date early, it won't work." The woman sits up and crosses her arms. Dilbert says, "Like I haven't seen that trick a jillion times."
Dilbert sits at his desk and faces Wally who is holding a cup of coffee. Dilbert says to Wally, "It's amazing how much we've changed since prehistoric times." Dilbert continues, "Our ancestors just sat around in caves, grunting and drawing on the wall." Wally comments, "Not very productive." Dilbert draws crude pictures on the blackboard in his cubicle. He tells Wally, "It was just this, all day long." Wally answers, "Mmm. Yup."
Dogbert and Dilbert sit at a table. The doorbell rings. Dilbert opens the door and a bear says, "Hi. I'm the bear skin rug you ordered by mail." The bear enters the house and says, "I'm a kit. You just have to kill me, rip my guts out and leave me to dry." Dilbert looks shocked. Dilbert covers his eyes and says, "Egad! I couldn't possibly do that. Please . . . Just go." The bear says, "You'll receive a full refund, of course." Dilbert says, "No, no! Please keep it." The bear, who is really a man in a bear suit, walks into the rug store. A man at a desk asks, "How were sales today?" The man in the suit replies, "Great! Sold myself seven times."
Dilbert stands in line at a video store. The man in front of him hands a video tape to the sales clerk and says, "I'll take this one." The clerk asks, "Why would anybody BUY a mystery movie?!" The clerk asks, "What do you do, watch it a hundred times and act surprised at the ending?" She hands the video back to the customer and says, "Get a life." Dilbert hands his selection to the clerk and says, "I'll take this one." The clerk says, "Tootsie?! You want to OWN a movie about a man who wears dresses?!" Dilbert says, "What?! I thought it was a documentary about Tootsie Rolls. You should label those things more clearly!" Dilbert sits in his chair holding a copy of Rambo. He asks Dogbert, "Is it a sin to lie to strangers?" Dogbert replies, "The way you do it, yes."
Dilbert, Wally, the Boss and another employee sit at a conference table. Dilbert holds a software box and says, "At long last our product is complete. It ships tomorrow." The other employee says, "That's terrific. I only have a few additional features to add and the marketing department will be happy." The Boss says, "Okay." The Boss continues, "I believe that our customers want hardware, not software." Wally says to Dilbert, "It's times like this I wish I were a psychopath." Dilbert asks, "You're not?"