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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 27, 2000's comic on:

Tags #back in 10, #managers, #over communicate, #times of uncertainty, #you're fired, #ted fired

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The boss says to Ed: "Ed, the experts say managers should over-communicate during times of uncertainty." The boss screams at Ed: "You're fired, you're fired, you're fired, you're fired, you're fired!." Ed looks surprised. The boss says to Ed: "I'll come back in ten minutes to do that again." Ed looks angry.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 13, 2012's comic on:

Tags #business failures/bankruptcies, #saving & investment, #raises, #debt crisis, #economic uncertainty, #board of directors, #stock options, #money

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Boss: I can't give you a raise because the Elbonian debt crisis has created economic uncertainty. Luckily for us, our board of directors granted our CEO more stock options so he won't leave during uncertain times. Dilbert: What happens when the uncertainty ends? Boss: Then he'll exercise stock options.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 1990's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #uncle, #picture, #eleven, #purple, #hearts, #william, #wounded, #times, #war, #warfare

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the couch looking through a photo album. Dilbert says, "Here's a picture of my uncle just before he was drafted. He was awarded eleven purple hearts." Dogbert asks, "He was wounded eleven times?!" Dilbert replies, "Uncle William insisted that his friends call him 'Will' . . ." Three soldiers kneel in a trench. A commanding officer yells, "Okay, men, fire at will!!" and the other soldiers look at Will.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 1990's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #arm chair, #quiet times, #delicious, #silence, #noise, #annoying, #inane, #chatter

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dilbert says, "I really enjoy these quiet times we have." Dilbert continues, "Just delicious silence. No annoying noise. No inane chatter." Dogbert says, "Apparently you don't listen to you, either."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 18, 1990's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #woman, #eye, #contact, #uncontrollable, #urge, #blink, #twnety, #times

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Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman says, "I like a man who makes eye contact." Dilbert thinks, "Uh no . . . Uncontrollable urge to look away . . . I've got to blink about twenty times. Why did she have to bring that up?" Dilbert covers his eyes, screams, knocks his drink over and blinks repeatedly. The woman turns to the reader and says, "I love doing that."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 11, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #solve, #mystery, #dilbert's, #garbage man, #neckties, #present, #mysteries, #fuel, #wonder, #times, #apparently, #existential

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Dogbert sits on a trashcan and says to the garbage man, "Maybe I'll never solve the mystery of why Dilbert's neckties curl up." The garbage man says, "Sometimes, Dogbert, life presents us with mysteries to fuel our sense of wonder . . . It stimulates us to reach beyond ourselves to something greater." Dogbert asks, "This isn't one of those times, is it?" The garbage man says, "Apparently not."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 29, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #sounds, #less, #million, #times, #french, #short, #tempered, #mockingly

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Dilbert says to a short man, "Hi, Les." Les says, "You say that almost mockingly." Les continues, "The way you say it, my name sounds like 'Less.' I've told you a million times it's French -- pronounced 'Lez.'" Dilbert says, "You seem a little short-tempered." Les says, "Hey! That time you did it on purpose!!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 24, 1992's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #choke, #death, #end, #date, #early, #work, #trick, #jillion, #times

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Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman grabs her throat and says, "Mphf! Aack! Cough! Hmp! Gurgle!" As the woman slumps onto the table, Dilbert says, "If you're pretending to choke to death to end our date early, it won't work." The woman sits up and crosses her arms. Dilbert says, "Like I haven't seen that trick a jillion times."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 10, 1994's comic on:

Tags #no raises, #no promotions, #mathematical certainty, #inflation, #pooer, #uncertainty, #leader, #not just manager

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The Boss: "The company has announced there will be no raises or promotions this year." "Now, there's a mathematical certainty that no matter how hard you work, inflation will make you poorer." Dilbert: "I hated the old way, with all the uncertainty." The Boss: "I'm not just a manager, I'm a leader!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 1995's comic on:

Tags #change, #prehistoric times, #ancestors, #caves, #grunting, #not very productive, #all day long

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Dilbert sits at his desk and faces Wally who is holding a cup of coffee. Dilbert says to Wally, "It's amazing how much we've changed since prehistoric times." Dilbert continues, "Our ancestors just sat around in caves, grunting and drawing on the wall." Wally comments, "Not very productive." Dilbert draws crude pictures on the blackboard in his cubicle. He tells Wally, "It was just this, all day long." Wally answers, "Mmm. Yup."