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Dilbert sits at his desk thinking, "Would the world be any worse off if I'd never been born?" Dilbert thinks, "Wait . . . If not for me, who would turn off this computer every night. I'm saving electricity!" Dilbert arrives at home carrying his briefcase and says to Dogbert, "I found meaning in my life today." Dogbert says, "You left your bedroom light on all day."
Dilbert lies in bed thinking, "Why should I get up today? What is my purpose in life?" Dilbert thinks, "I'm hungry. A toasted bagel would taste great." Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table eating breakfast. Dilbert says, "Maybe the purpose of life is eating bagels." Dogbert says, "You shouldn't try to think on an empty stomach."
Dilbert and the boss sit at a table with tools on it. The boss holds a gadget and says, "Your invention will earn ten billion dollars for this company." The boss says, "By the way, you're not allowed to have decorations above the walls of your cubicle." The boss says, "WE both did something important today. Give me five."
Dilbert and Wally are both wearing aprons. Dilbert, counting money, asks Wally, "How much did you make in tips today?" Wally says, "Three breath mints and one death threat scrawled on a napkin." Wally says to Dilbert, "I hope I don't forget which breath mint came from the napkin guy."
Dilbert: Let's see what's on my "to do" list for today. Useless meeting... busywork... make misleading PowerPoint slides... and another useless meeting. Dogbert: How was your productivity today? Dilbert: I know you're mocking me.
Asok: I'm trying out a new philosophy for my life. My new motto is "Live for Today." Wally: If you live for today, how will you avoid starving tomorrow? If you do one little thing wrong today, it could ruin every minute of the rest of your life. Asok: So... I should live for the future. Wally: No, that would ruin today. I recommend living for the past. Asok: My past was no fun. Wally: Pretend you were someone else. Asok: My philosophy is that my name was Gustav and I traded beaver pelts. Dilbert: Stop ruining my present.
Alice says, "Now you've done it. He has brain overload from your unnecessarily detailed answer." Alice says, "Great. He's totally broken and we need a decision today." Dilbert says, "Is he nodding yes?" Alice says, "I'm sensing an opportunity here."
Dilbert: I'm considering becoming an idiot so I can get the health benefits of happiness. It comes with a social stigma, but that's not a problem if I'm not aware that I'm an idiot. I feel healthy today, so there's a good chance I already made the transition. Dogbert: Yep.