Too Paranoid Comic Strips
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10 Results for Too Paranoid
View 1 - 10 results for too paranoid comic strips. Discover the best "Too Paranoid" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday December 17,
2011
Tags #gadgets, #suspicion, #new smart ohone, #no truct, #own agenda, #paranoid, #recharge me, #threats from phone
Transcript
Boss: I don't trust my new smartphone. It understands spoken language. That's creepy. I think it has its own agenda. Catbert: You're being paranoid. Boss: Recharge me now or so help me jobs I will delete your contacts.
Saturday May 05,
2012
Tags #conversation, #bad habit, #misinterpreting, #bad mouthing, #too paranoid, #sounds crazy
Transcript
Co-worker 1: So, Dilbert, what else are you working on lately? Dilbert: I'd rather not say because you have a habit of misinterpreting everything you hear and then bad-mouthing it later. Co-worker 1: He basically said he's too paranoid to talk to people. Co-worker 2: He sounds crazy.
Thursday December 18,
2003
Tags #worry, #paranoid beaver, #productivity rewarded, #alice, #merger, #boss
Transcript
Alice : My strategy is to work like a paranoid beaver during the merger. Surely my productivity will be noticed and rewarded when the downsizing begins, Man: and who is alice? The Boss: Im pretty sure thats the bald guy with glasses.
Friday February 27,
2004
Tags #paranoid, #emplooyees, #trying to kill, #pauses between words, #no payment, #ruled out paranoia, #session, #therapist session, #crazy, #couch, #offensive, #cheap, #reluctance to heal
Transcript
The Boss: I think my employees are trying t kill me. Am I paranoid? The boss: put your answer in an metal. O spot want to be paying for the pauses between you words. Therapist: Ive ruled out paranoia. The Boss: phew thats a relief.
Wednesday April 02,
2003
Tags #enjoy opportunity, #new paranoid employee, #not invied, #plotting, #peri noid, #perimeno
Transcript
Headline: Peri Noid. Dilbert, Alice, and Peri Noid are sitting. Alice says to Dilbert, "We'll have the data by Tuesday." Peri Noid asks, "How do you know that?" Peri Noid says, "You must be getting invited to meetings and then saying, 'Don't invite Peri.'" Alice turns to Dilbert and asks, "Would it be wrong to enjoy this opportunity?" Peri points her finger and exclaims, "Plotting!! Right there!!!"
Thursday April 03,
2003
Tags #reapir, #defective co workers, #paramoid, #invited to meetings, #fix her, #trade in, #liar, #moron, #whistler
Transcript
Dilbert carries Peri Noid over his shoulder towards a shop with a sign that reads, "Repair Defective Co-workers." Dilbert holds Peri up and says to The Garbageman, "She's paranoid about not being invited to meetings. Can you fix her?" The Garbageman replies, "Nope." Dilbert asks, "Can I trade her in?" The Garbageman responds, "Would you like a liar, a moron, or a whistler?"
Saturday August 23,
2003
Tags #boss aprroaches, #slices clicks comouter, #filthy images, #projecting himself, #obvious, #paranoid
Transcript
The Boss: "Alice, I notice that you always click something when I approach." The Boss: "Obviously you've been using company time to look at indescribably filthy images." Alice: "And why does that seem so obvious to you?" The Boss: "Let's leave me out of this."
Monday March 25,
2013
Tags #being replced, #robot, #hack into, #disgruntled robot, #objective unclear, #fax machine, #paranoid
Transcript
Wally: Im being replaced by a robot that drinks coffee and looks at inappropruye websites all day. Dilbert: Lets hack into it and make it disgruntled. Robot: My objectives are unclear and I think the fax machine is plotting against me.
Saturday March 15,
2008
Tags #asked question, #contempt, #coworkers, #forgot answer, #game plyer, #large group, #paranoid, #suspicious
Transcript
Tina: Dilbert asked me a question in front of the entire group that I already answered last week. What kind of game is he playing?" Alice: Maybe he forgot your answer. Tina: That's crazy talk."
Friday July 14,
2017
The Cia Is Listening
Tags #technology, #speaker, #alexa, #google, #amazon, #spying, #surveillace, #paranoid, #privacy
Transcript
Robot: Hello. I am a bluetooth speaker and your digital assistant. How may I help you? Man: Just shut up and sit there until I need something. Robot: Did you say" Give the CIA access to your microphone?" Man: Please, no. I'll do anything you want.