Search Results for "top engineers"
Share August 05, 2012's comic on:
Boss: Wally, I'm sending you to a conference for the world's top engineers. With any luck, one of our competitors will try to poach you. That will save me the trouble of firing you. You'll be going with five other people I want to get rid of. I took the liberty of updating your resume. If this goes as planned, you'll destroy one of our competitors from within. Like a hideous disease. Make me proud! Wally: It was the first time I ever felt useful. I didn't like it.
Share February 02, 2003's comic on:
Dilbert is meeting with Tina. He reads a piece of paper and says, "Your budget is wrong. You forgot maintenance." Tina exclaims, "Why do you engineers always think you're right?!" Dilbert reaches for a device and says, "I anticipated your reaction and I came prepared." Dilbert holds the device in front of Tina's face and says, "Here's a list of every disagreement we've had." Dilbert taps on the device and says, "And here are the audio clips of the outcomes in your own voice." The device plays back a recording of Tina's voice, "You're right, Dilbert.. You're right... I guess you're right.. I'm wrong.. You're right... You're right." Tina reaches out her hand and says, "Let me see that for a second." Tina jumps on top of the table and smashes the device into pieces. She exhales, "Oo! Oo! Oo!" Dilbert thinks, "To an engineer, everyone looks like a chimp."
Share December 18, 2014's comic on:
The Marketing Guy. Marketing Guy: I don't see why engineers get paid more than marketing professionals. Dilbert: Maybe because engineers designed and built every important part of modern civilization and all you did was misrepresent it. Marketing Guy: My point is that you need both. Dilbert: You really don't.
Share January 12, 2011's comic on:
Dilbert: My doctor says I have a wicked case of Pop Farr. Its when vulcans and engineers go into gear every seven years. Alice: Im pretty sure, I don't care but let me check my calendar just in case... Alice: Someone kill me! Now Now! Now! continued
Share January 13, 2011's comic on:
Tina says, "Did you hear that Dilbert and Alice are on the same Pon Farr cycle?" Carol says, "What?" Tina says, "Every seven years, engineers have an irresistible urge to mate. Their spawn would be the product of two engineers." There's a reason it rarely happens Dilbert says, "Your plan has unnecessary steps!" Alice says, "Your specifications are vague!"
Share January 25, 2011's comic on:
Demon says, "The government announced tax incentives for new capital investments." Dilbert says, "That's great. Now we can pursue marginally attractive opportunities with our overburdened staff." Demon says, "Is he always like this?" The Boss says, "Yes." Dilbert says, "I'll just divert resources from our top priorities."
Share June 26, 2011's comic on:
Alice: Steer clear of Darryl. He turned feral. Asok: Feral? Dilbert: That's what happens when engineers don't get invited to meetings. Alice: Darryl's only social life was meetings. Dilbert: He didn't get to use his social skills for a few weeks, and apparently he lost them. Asok: Is it like he turned into a wolfman? Dilbert: Yes, except he's better at math. And he howls at the Internet, not the moon. Asok: Can we watch? Man: How-ooo can you blog that?
Share July 29, 2011's comic on:
Boss: We're looking for engineers with short telomeres for their age. That's an indication that you value work above exercise. Man: But you have a company gym. Boss: That's our slacker trap!
Share October 04, 2011's comic on:
Boss: We're buying an entire company just to get their engineers. Dilbert: Are you aware that slavery is illegal and the engineers are free to find jobs at better companies? Boss: I sure hope you're wrong about that.
Share January 17, 2012's comic on:
Boss: Here's a billion dollars to settle your claim of discrimination against short, bald, nearsighted guys. Wally: I'm in the top 1% now. I wonder where we hold our secret meetings. Boss: Ask the tiny flying unicorn with the golden key.