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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 10, 1994's comic on:


Tags #effects pay, #employee survey, #grumpiest employee, #morale, #touchy feely stuff

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The Boss says to an employee, "The employee surveys indicate some dissatisfaction in my group. That affects my pay." The Boss continues as the man frowns, "You're my grumpiest employee, so I'm going to fire you to bring up my average score for morale." The Boss walks away thinking, "I think I'm getting better at all the touchy-feely stuff."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 09, 1996's comic on:


Tags #touchy feely institute, #teamwork, #exercise, #trust, #son blank checks, #excellent quality, #other people should have, #health

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The Boss, Dilbert, Wally, Alice and Dogbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I've hired the 'Dogbert Touchy-Feely Institute' to teach use about teamwork." Dogbert says, "We'll start with an exercise about trust. I want each of you to sign blank checks and give them to me." As they all hand Dogbert checks, Dilbert asks, "What will this teach us about trust?" Dogbert replies, "It will teach you that trust is an excellent quality for other people to have."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 28, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #touchy-feely, #department, #rumors, #flying, #lizards, #planet, #business, #zorbians, #team, #players

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Dilbert asks the Boss, "Do you have a minute?" The Boss sits at his desk and thinks, "Uh-oh, it's touchy-feely stuff." Dilbert asks, "What's going to happen to our department? The rumors are flying." The Boss asks, "What have you heard?" Dilbert replies, "Rumor has it that flying lizards from the planet Zorb will buy the company." Dilbert continues, "They plan to turn the employees into giant corn dogs on sticks." The Boss replies, "Don't worry about rumors. It's business as usual for now." Dilbert gulps and walks away. The Boss thinks, "I think I handled that pretty well." Dilbert and Wally have long sticks on their backs. Dilbert asks, "Are you sure this will impress the Zorbians?" Wally replies, "I hear they like team players."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 17, 2010's comic on:


Tags #technical issue, #coworker, #sitting in chairs, #facing each other, #software, #yell, #condescend, #stupid, #dumb, #dense, #shout, #sitting on couch, #touchy, #engineering

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Dilbert says, "I've been asked to explain our technical issue in terms you can understand." Logan says, "Good." Dilbert says, "THE SOFTWARE, IT NO WORKY!!!" Dilbert says, "He was dense and touchy. It's a bad combination."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 23, 1993's comic on:


Tags #trial, #judge, #lawyer, #Dogbert

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Dogbert stands in front of the judge's bench in a courtroom. Dogbert says, "For my first witness, I call the defendant's attorney." Dogbert asks the lawyer, "Is it true that you're wearing women's lingerie right now?" The lawyer looks surprised and says, "No!" The judge asks, "Is this relevant to your case?" Dogbert replies, "I wonder why YOU're so touchy about this subject."