Tough Audience Comic Strips
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Each department that signs off on the proposal adds a brick to the wall of approval." approval process " Alice: Question: What would happen if I flung one of those conceptual bricks at your conceptual, stupid head? They warned me you were a tough audience. Alice: Fling! Fling!
A comedian asks Dilbert, "Is this your first time?" Dilbert replies, "Yeah." Dilbert shakes nervously and beads of sweat fly off his forehead. The man says, "I know I'm supposed to be your competitor, but I'll share my technique of using mental imagery to relax." Dilbert says, "Thanks!" The man says, "Imagine that you're naked . . . And the audience is full of Mary Kay salespeople with camcorders . . ."
Dilbert stands in front of the dresser mirror tying his tie and Dogbert sits on the bed. Dilbert says, "I have to give a speech to the 'Society of Engineers' today . . . I'm a bit nervous." Dogbert replies, "Sometimes you can relax by imagining the audience is naked." Dogbert's ears stand straight up and he says, "Whoa! Cancel that. I just pictured four hundred naked engineers." Dilbert's tie crumples and he says, "Too late."
Dilbert and his mother sit on the couch. Dilbert shows his mother a document and says, "My company asked all employees to act as salespeople to friends and family. I think you could use this, Mom." Dilbert's mother says, "Why would I need a primary rate circuit? I've already got a frame relay drop to my web server in the sewing room." Dilbert thinks, "This is going to be a tough sale." Dilbert's mother says, "Hello-o-o! Earth to Dilbert! This is packet data . . ."
Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. Dilbert says, "Waiter, there's a hair in my soup." The waiter says, "It looks like one of yours. I'm sure it wasn't there when I served it." Dilbert says angrily, "It is NOT one of mine!" The waiter replies, "Sir! You insult my integrity!" The waiter says, "I shall send the hair to our lab for analysis." Dilbert replies, "Fair enough." The waiter pulls out some of Dilbert's hair and says, "They'll need a clump of your hair for comparison." Dilbert cries, "Ouch!" Dilbert tells the woman, "You have to be tough with these waiters or else they'll walk all over you." The woman asks, "Does it seem odd to you that the restaurant has it's own lab?" Dilbert replies, "They must have a lot of problems with hairy food." The waiter returns and says, "The lab says they need a few more clumps of your hair . . ."
Dilbert walks in apark holding two plastic babies. A girl walks by Dilbert with a heart over her head. Dilbert thinks, "These fake rubber babies will make me a chick magnet." A fly bzzz past. Dilbert hits the fly against a tree with one of the babies. Dilbert thinks, "Stupid fly." The women looks horrified. Dilbert says, "It's tough love."
Headline: Catbert: Evil H.R. Director. Catbert is sitting behind his desk, an employee is standing before him. Catbert says, "I'm reminding everyone that layoffs can improve morale." Catbert continues, "Layoffs prove that management is capable of making tough decisions to turn things around!" The employee responds, "You're right! I do feel more optimistic now!" Catbert adds, "Secondly, you're fired."
The boss: "Alice, I know that times are tough. But you need to show more optimism." The Boss: "Try to find the good thing in any bad situation." "Our entire sales force has been eaten by wild pigs." Alice: "Pigs are cute!"
Zenox: "I'm Zenox, the new manager of this coven... I mean department." "When I am displeased I make this face and growl like the undead." Grrow-eeeahh! "The new dress code is 'winged monkey.'" Dilbert: "If a man acted like you he'd be called tough."