Track Things Comic Strips
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485 Results for Track Things
View 1 - 10 results for track things comic strips. Discover the best "Track Things" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday August 07,
2007
Tags #manage spreadsheet, #track things, #problems, #cute optimism, #pretty fuzzy
Transcript
The Boss: I've decided to manage by spreadsheet. "I'll track things until all of our problems fix themselves." CatBert: "Your optimism is cute." The Boss: "Thanks. You're pretty fuzzy yourself."
Sunday July 05,
2020
Tracking Dilbert
Tags #body cam, #freedom, #keystrokes, #location, #managers & supervisors, #phone, #report, #status, #technology, #track, #video conference, #work at home, #working
Transcript
dilbert: maybe i could permanently work at home. boss: on video conference: no problem. i just need a few things from you to make sure you are working. dilbert: such as? boss: well. obviously, i need frequent status reports. dilbert: sounds reasonable. boss: and i'll need to track your keystrokes and your phone's location. dilbert: wow. well, okay. i guess i can get used to that in return for my freedom to work at home. boss: now that I've loosened you up. let's talk about fitting you for a body cam.
Monday October 03,
2011
Tags #couples, #dating, #play games, #guess the lie, #say 2 things, #dating games, #obvious things, #relationships
Transcript
Woman: Let's play a game. We each say two things about ourselves and the other has to guess which one is a lie. Dilbert: I love to play games like that. My second thing is that I eat food.
Sunday December 18,
2011
Tags #declare failure, #explaining things, #frustration, #incompetence, #office workers, #partial victory, #platform upgarde, #teds brain, #trapped
Transcript
Boss: Ted can explain what you need to do before the platform upgrade. Dilbert: No he can't. Ted's brain is where knowledge goes to die. He's not good at explaining things. The knowledge might be in his brain, but it's trapped there. Unfortunately, Ted's incompetence is so unbelievable that you literally don't believe me. In time, you will assume that Ted taught me well but I forgot all of it. I'm doomed before I start. Let's just declare failure and move on. Boss: That works for me. Dilbert: Partial victory.
Wednesday February 27,
1991
Tags #Dilbert, #great, #things, #dog, #nap, #time, #want, #tired, #hate, #life, #Dogbert
Transcript
Dogbert thinks, "One of the great things about being a dog is that we can take a nap any time we want." Dogbert continues thinking, "Sometimes we do it because we're tired." Dogbert lies on his back as Dilbert walks by carrying a briefcase. Dogbert thinks, "But mostly, we do it to make you hate your life."
Friday May 22,
1992
Tags #the boss, #dave, #haircut, #management, #fast-track, #program, #hair
Transcript
Dave sits at his desk. The Boss enters and says, "Dave, I hear that you've started cutting your own hair . . ." The Boss continues, "I'm afraid I'll have to drop you from the management fast-track program." The Boss walks away thinking, "Lucky we caught that one before he got too far."
Thursday August 27,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #ben, #newest, #fast-track, #manager, #real, #experience, #executive, #style, #hair, #silver
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Dilbert, I'd like you meet Ben, our newest fast-track manager." Dilbert says, "Hi." The Boss says, "Ben has no real experience but he's very tall, so we know he'll go far." Ben adds, "I also have executive style hair." The Boss says, "We think it will turn silver."
Thursday October 08,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #government, #general, #kill, #encounter, #space, #aliens, #governments, #track, #record, #budget, #cutbacks, #air, #support
Transcript
Dilbert stands next to a man in a military uniform. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "The government sent a General to kill me for talking about my encounter with space aliens." Dilbert continues, "I was scared at first, but when you think about the government's track record, well, my odds are pretty good . . ." Dilbert continues, "Especially after all the budget cutbacks." The General says into a walkie-talkie radio, "Dang it! Where's my air support?!!"
Thursday November 05,
1992
Tags #Dilbert, #creative, #ideas, #worry, #shakes, #Wally, #track, #record, #work, #ahead
Transcript
Dilbert and Wally sit at a table eating lunch. Dilbert says, "Sometimes I worry that I'll never be creative again. Maybe my best ideas are behind me." Wally replies, "Oh, I wouldn't worry. Nothing you've done up to now has been any great shakes either." Dilbert says, "Ooh, so maybe my best work is still ahead of me." Wally replies, "Well, you have to consider the track record here."
Monday January 10,
1994
Tags #sharing meeting, #project, #pathetic series, #poorly planned, #random acts, #emotional desparation, #things are fine, #need a hug
Transcript
The Boss: "Let's go around the table and give an update on each of our projects." Man: "My project is a pathetic series of poorly planned, near-random acts. My life is a tragedy of emotional desperation." The boss: "It's more or less customary to say things are going fine." Man: "I think I need a hug."