Search Results for "training forgotten"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.
1 - 10 of 148

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 21, 1997's comic on:

Tags #Wally, #training, #big binder, #training forgotten, #binder last forever, #living monument, #temporary knowledge, #cubcile, #approve funding, #free up funds, #training budget

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally sticks his head into the boss' office. Wally says, "I'm back from training." Wally says, "I got a big binder." Wally holds out a big book. Wally says, "The training is already forgotten but the binder will last forever." Wally brings the binder to his chest. Wally says, "A living monument to temporary knowledge!" Wally says, "I'll put it in my cubicle with the others." Wally says, "Speaking of my cubicle, which direction is it?" The Boss points. Wally says, "Okay, thanks. That information should be in a binder." Dilbert says, "Did he approve funding for our project?" Wally says, "Not yet. Step one was to free up funds from the training budget."

Training By Osmosis

Thank you for voting.
Training By Osmosis - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 2018's comic on:

Tags #the boss, #formal, #training, #job, #absorb, #osmosis, #idiot, #rest, #staff

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: We don't have formal training for your job. Just hang around and see if you can absorb it through osmosis. Man: I'm an idiot for taking this job. The Boss: You're already thinking like the rest of the staff!

Mandatory Training

Thank you for voting.
Mandatory Training - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 28, 2019's comic on:

Tags #avoidance, #office, #office workers, #sarcasm, #training

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You haven't finished the mandatory compliance training modules. Alice: I'm waiting for a strategic time to do them. Boss: Oh, okay. Want to go to lunch? Alice: I would love to, but I have training modules to do.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 15, 2012's comic on:

Tags #big business, #budget, #contract employees, #training budget, #training, #contractor budget

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Out budget for contact employees was eliminated. We'll have to pay you out of the training budget. So instead of doing the job yourself... you'll have to train Dilbert to do the job we're paying you to do. Dilbert: Why don't you just move some of the training budget to the contractor budget? Boss: If we reduce the training budget this year, we'll get less next year. Dilbert: So... you prefer paying two people to do the job of one? Boss: Right. Consultant: How do you stay in business? Boss: Our customers are even dumber than us.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 10, 2012's comic on:

Tags #better job, #goldilocks zone, #managers, #marinate in own stench, #monster, #skills expire, #technology certifictae, #training, #your training

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I need to get this technology certification. Boss: Whoa! No way. If I pay for your training, you'll use your certification to get a better job. At the moment, you're in what we managers call the goldilocks zone. You're not hot enough to get a better job, and you're not yet incompetent at the one you have. When your skills expire, in the next year or two, I'll replace you with someone younger. Dilbert: You're a monster! I'll pay for my own training and leave you to marinate in your own stench! CEO: How did you keep your training expenses so low? Boss: I marinated in my own stench.

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 24, 2012's comic on:

Tags #carbon dioxide, #exhales endangered species, #fabrications, #harbard, #higgs boson particle, #licorice and flashlight, #national football league, #no bragging rights, #no kids, #training for olympics

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: My daughter is training for the Olympics. My son is going to Harvard. Dilbert: I have no spawn of my own, so I claim the right to name a proxy to brag on my behalf. Topper, I need you. Topper: OF course you do. My daughter discovered the Higgs boson particle using nothing but licorice and a flashlight. My son inhales carbon dioxide and exhales endangered species while playing in the National Football League. Coworker: This isn't fair! You can't just make up stuff! Topper: According to the president of the International Society of Boasters, fabrications are acceptable. Coworker: I'd like to talk to that guy. Topper: You're looking at him. Dilbert: I win.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 17, 1990's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #accounting, #engineer, #breathed, #air, #irreversible, #bad, #attitude, #part, #training, #bradley

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to a witch, "No! You can't force me to work in accounting! I'm an engineer!" The witch replies, "It's too late . . ." The witch explains, "You came . . . You breathed the air . . . The change is irreversible . . . Bradley will train you." Spikes grow out of Dilbert's back and he begins to turn into a troll. Dilbert says, "I'm starting to get a bad attitude about this job . . ." Bradley the Troll replies, "Good. I can skip that part of the training."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 05, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #consultant, #plunging, #problem, #easy, #solve, #training, #budget, #brains

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert stands in front of an easel and points to a diagram. The Boss and a woman sit at a conference table. Dogbert says, "Your profits are plunging." Dogbert continues, "The problem will not be easy to solve." The diagram shows a large brain labeled "competitors," a smaller brain labeled "beavers," and a tiny brain labeled "you." The Boss asks, "So, what should we do? Cut the training budget again?"

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 21, 1991's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #profits, #low, #training, #class, #cute, #jumpy

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Dilbert, "Dilbert, profits are too low. I've got to let you go . . ." Dilbert says, "What!!" The Boss continues, ". . . To a training class." The Boss walks away thinking, "They're so cute when they get jumpy."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 05, 1992's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #newspaper, #employee, #bureaucracy, #fifties, #paid, #forgotten, #perfect, #job

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to a man sitting at a desk behind piles of paper, "Hi . . . Are you new here? I've never seen you before." The man says, "I'm the lost employee . . . I've been hiding in the bureaucracy since the fifties . . . Paid but forgotten." Dilbert thinks, "Wouldn't THAT be the perfect job . . ."