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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 19, 2007's comic on:


Tags #employee orientation, #no time, #exercise, #long hours, #trans fat, #positive note, #payroll dedcution, #service, #save money, #dirt, #cubicle, #burial site, #health

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Employee Orientation Catbert: "This job will leave you with no time for exercise." "You will work long hours and consume trans fats until you are shaped like this." "On a positive note, our payroll deduction service allows you to save money for dirt to turn your cubicle into a burial site."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 30, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #the boss, #consultant, #clarify, #company, #policy, #discrimination, #unpopular, #religions, #short, #bald, #fat, #handicapped

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The Boss tells Dilbert and several co-workers, "I've hired a consultant to clarify our company policy on discrimination." Dogbert says, "It is against policy to discriminate based on race, sex, age, handicap or religion." A man raises his hand and asks, "Does that include unpopular, little religions?" Dogbert replies, "No, those are considered cults; you may discriminate freely against them." A woman raises her hand and asks, "What about short, bald, fat, ugly men? Are they considered 'handicapped'?" Dogbert replies, "Technically, no. You can still tease them and deny them promotions as usual." Dogbert continues, "Likewise, you may discriminate against nerds, smokers, and single people." Dogbert continues, "And we've dropped 'stupid people' from the watch list, as their lobbying efforts proved ineffective . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 01, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #emotion, #Dogbert, #mood, #e.t., #neighbor, #cat, #fat, #fool, #academy, #best, #dog, #frozen, #lavatory, #imagine, #passing, #sorrow

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Dilbert points a video camera at Dogbert and says, "Let's see some emotion, Dogbert." Dogbert says, "I need to be in the mood." Dilbert says, "Remember when it looked like 'E.T.' died, but really he didn't?" Dogbert sniffs like he is about to cry. Dilbert says, "The neighbor's cat says you're fat." Dogbert says angrily, "The fool!" Dilbert says, "Imagine you won an academy award for 'Best Dog.'" Dogbert looks surprised and says, "Me?!!" Dilbert says, "Imagine some frozen lavatory waste from a passing jet crashes through the roof and flattens me as I film this." Dogbert falls over and laughs. Dilbert asks, "Is that sorrow? It doesn't look like sorrow." Dogbert thinks, "Oops."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 30, 1999's comic on:


Tags #rash o fthefts, #cubicles, #suspect, #fat, #slow witted, #stops short, #naming alice

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The boss reads from a piece of paper at the conferance table. The boss says, "There's been a rash of thefts from cubicles." The boss says, "The subject is described as fat and slow-witted, with pointy hair." The boss says, "The bulletin stops short of actually naming her Alice." Wally and Dilbet both turn to look at Alice.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 05, 1999's comic on:


Tags #fat man, #huge breakfast, #lunch, #until dinner, #work all night

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The boss walks with Asok. The boss says, "Asok, when I was your age I'd eat a huge breakfast, so I wouldn't have to stop working for lunch." The boss says, "Then I'd eat a huge lunch, so I could work all night, or until dinner, whichever came first." The boss says, "That's how I got to be the man I am today." Asok says, "Fat?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 20, 2003's comic on:


Tags #worthless fat, #everyone participates

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "How can we eliminate $200,000 of worthless fat?" The Boss exclaims, "Wow! Every hand went up. I like it when everyone participates!" The Boss is sitting at his desk. He says to Catbert, "So it turns out that it's better when no one participates."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 29, 2004's comic on:


Tags #televison show, #doctor dogbert, #lazy, #immoral, #fat morons

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"I plan to start my own television talk show." "I'll change my name to 'Doctor Dogbert' so people think I'm qualified to call them lazy, immoral fat morons." "You already call people those names." "Yeah, but I want them to thank me for it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 27, 2004's comic on:


Tags #liposuction, #remove fat, #head collapse, #lucky

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The Boss: I'm thinking about getting liposuction to remove my fat. Alice: your head would collapse. The boss: it would? Alice: If I'm lucky.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 2005's comic on:


Tags #fbi, #traced source, #spam, #revolutionary new pill, #rolex watches, #body fat

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"FBI, we need to talk to you." "We've traced the source of all internet spam to your house." "All of it?" "...The revolutionary new pill that turns your body fat into rolex watches!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 22, 2013's comic on:


Tags #management experts, #fat leaders, #favorably, #athletic ones, #donuts, #forget, #seriously

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Carol: management experts say fat readers are viewed less favorably than athletic ones, Thats why I didn't order any donuts for your meeting. The Boss: Or did you just forget to do it? Carol: I can't take you seriously looking like that.