Treat Like Dirt Comic Strips
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1000 Results for Treat Like Dirt
View 1 - 10 results for treat like dirt comic strips. Discover the best "Treat Like Dirt" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday June 20,
2000
Tags #male brain, #treat like dirt, #good personalities, #overated, #getting hot
Transcript
Ming says to Dilbert, "Help me understand the male brain, Dilbert." Ming asks Dilbert, "I treat you like dirt and you ask me out on a date?" Dilbert replies, "Good personalities are overrated." Ming responds, "You're getting me all hot over here."
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Wednesday April 15,
1998
Tags #eds farewell gift, #treated like dirt, #guilty, #five dollars
Transcript
A secretary holds an envelope and tells an uptight co-worker, "I'm collecting for Ed's farewell gift." Woman pulls something out of the envelope and says, "Ed, you treated me like dirt. I find you guilty and I fine you five dollars." First woman says, "I just put that in there." Angry woman says, "Come back if you get more."
Sunday May 28,
2000
Tags #fake surveillance camera, #chepaer, #discourage thefts, #treat employees like criminals, #leave
Transcript
Dilbert walks by an open office door and hears, "Pssst!" Dilbert walks in and says, "Yes?" The Boss says, "Come in and shut the door." The Boss continues, "I bought a fake video surveillance camera." The Boss holds the Boss and says, "Install it in the break room tonight." The Boss continues, "It's cheaper than a real camera and it will discourage thefts." Dilbert says, "If you treat employees like criminals, they'll leave." The Boss says, "Good point. You'd better hide the fake camera so no one knows it's there." Dilbert puts the box in the trash and walks away whistling."
Saturday October 29,
2011
Tags #doctors' offices, #illness, #bad case, #wahtchamacallit, #pills, #doctors offcie, #doctor, #wicked hemorrhoids, #feel like progress, #medical
Transcript
Doctor: You've got a bad case of whatchamacallit. These pills won't fix your underlying problem, but they might give you a wicked case of hemorrhoids. And I can treat hemorrhoids, so that would feel like progress.
Thursday April 17,
2003
Tags #mood swings, #deficit, #piece of dirt, #Family, #defect, #defected worker
Transcript
The Boss introduces a new co-worker to Dilbert, "Dilbert, this is Irene. I don't yet know what her defect is." Irene yells, "Stop being rude to me, you piece of dirt!!!" Irene hugs Dilbert and says, "We're like family now." The Boss says, "I'm thinking: mood swings."
Thursday July 19,
2007
Tags #employee orientation, #no time, #exercise, #long hours, #trans fat, #positive note, #payroll dedcution, #service, #save money, #dirt, #cubicle, #burial site, #health
Transcript
Employee Orientation Catbert: "This job will leave you with no time for exercise." "You will work long hours and consume trans fats until you are shaped like this." "On a positive note, our payroll deduction service allows you to save money for dirt to turn your cubicle into a burial site."
Wednesday April 06,
2011
Tags #managers & supervisors, #ventriloquism, #information overload, #libertarian, #taxidermist, #hand hole, #work, #like puppet, #creepy, #business
Transcript
Alice says, "His brain shut down from information overload, so I asked a libertarian taxidermist to stuff him." Alice says, "There's a hand hole in the back so we can work him like a puppet." Dilbert says, "It's sort of creepy." Alice says, "You'll get used to it."
Sunday April 24,
2011
Tags #fraternization, #joking, #agenda, #know anything, #important he is, #like his jokes, #late for dinner, #jokes, #table, #meeting, #laughter, #business
Transcript
Boss: The first thing on the agenda... Dilbert: Hold on. I don't know anything about this guy. Boss: What's the difference? Dilbert: I need to know how important he is. Should I pretend to like his jokes? Should I nod in agreement no matter what he says? Man: You can call me anything. Just don't call me late for dinner. Dilbert: Ha ha ha ha ha!! I hope I didn't waste that.
Saturday February 05,
2011
Tags #embarrassment, #frustration, #like an idiot, #simple solution, #stumping dilbert, #gladly explin, #look like an idiot
Transcript
Man says, "There is a very simple solution to the problem that is stumping Dilbert." Man says, "I will gladly explain it to him after this meeting." Dilbert says, "You're probably wrong, and yet you still made me look like an idiot." Man says, "I win!"
Tuesday October 18,
2011
Tags #copyright & trademark, #inventions, #competitor suing, #albanian court, #design trademark, #block manufacturing, #shaped like rectangle, #design shapes, #irregular mole
Transcript
Man: Our competitor is suing us in an Elbonian court for some sort of design trademark violation. They're trying to block us from manufacturing anything shaped like a rectangle. Boss: What design shapes are available? Man: Only one, assuming "irregular mole" is a shape.