Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper. Dogbert asks, "Do you mind if I get a turtle for a pet?" Dilbert replies, "That sounds cute. Maybe you can teach it to do tricks." Dogbert asks a giant turtle, "Can you do any tricks?" The turtle replies, "I can roll on my back and die."
Beaver: When you're a lazy beaver, you try to find shortcuts and tricks to get your work done. I got this daytime planner to organize my day efficiently. But all it does is sit there.
Dogbert: Looks like you got a bad one.
Dogbert stands on a conference table next to a laptop and an overhead projector. Dogbert tells Alice, "Your booth at the trade show must be attention-grabbing. You have several options." Dogbert says, "1. Magic tricks 2. special effects 3. raffles 4. booth babes." Dogbert continues, "For the best result, combine all four: create the illusion that you're raffling off the booth babes." Alice asks, "Booth babes?"
Wally: Did you get the link I sent about the ten things all leaders need to do?
I also sent you an article about the nine habits of successful people.
And I sent you an article about the time management tricks used by successful people.
According ti my research. There are 17,429 tricks you need to master to be a good leader.
That might seem like a lot.
But if you master ten per year, you'll be 1.2% competent by the time you retire.
Boss: Why are we having this conversation?
Wally: Im going to add "Listening skills" to the list.
The Boss: "The vendor is sending their best negotiator."
"You must use all of your engineering training to resist her tricks and look only at the facts."
woman: "And if you agree to infinite liability, you get a .00001% chance of dating me. Plus a minute to play with an unidentified gizmo."
Alice: Can I sign up for a workshop on how to deal with difficult co-workers? People will be using those methods against me, and I need to know how to thwart their countermeasures. Boss: Will you leave my office if I say yes? Alice: Where did you learn that trick?!!
