Search Results for "two peoples jobs"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.
1 - 10 of 686

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 16, 2002's comic on:

Tags #health, #life expectency, #current workload, #two peoples jobs, #six months, #five months, #shop, #Card

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is sitting at his computer. He points to the screen and says to Dogbert, "I calculated the impact of work on my health and life expectancy." Dilbert continues, "At my current workload, doing two people's jobs, I have... six months to live." Dogbert responds, "Remind me in five and a half months so I can shop for a card."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 2010's comic on:

Tags #lose job, #merger, #worry, #good word, #recommendation, #drink coffee, #observation

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "I wouldn't worry about losing your job after the merger." Dilbert says, "Because you put in a good word for me?" The Boss says, "No, it's more of an observation that I don't worry about other people's jobs."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 06, 2002's comic on:

Tags #teds job, #two jobs forever, #verbal praise, #down the road, #future, #manipulation, #until hire

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Dilbert, "I need you to do Ted's job and your own job until we hire someone." Dilbert responds, "If I do well, you'll make me do two jobs forever. If I do poorly, I'll get no raise." The Boss replies, "I can't promise anything, but there might be some verbal praise down the road."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 27, 2002's comic on:

Tags #performance review, #two jobs, #well, #attaboy, #no budget for raise, #cheapen

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Performance Review. The Boss says to Dilbert, "You did two jobs for a year and you did them well." The Boss continues, "I have no budget for raises, so all I can offer is an attaboy." The Boss continues, "The problem is: I don't want to cheapen the whole attaboy system."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 27, 1992's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #management, #series, #hour, #late, #lecture, #across, #town, #complete, #jobs, #cattle, #rub, #moo

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert stands on a stage holding a microphone. He addresses the audience, "Welcome to the 'Dogbert Time Management Lecture Series.'" Dogbert continues, "Sorry I'm an hour late, but I was giving another lecture across town . . . In effect, I'll complete two jobs while you sit in the dark like stunned cattle." Dogbert looks down at the audience and says, "I don't mean to rub it in, but mooo . . . "

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 18, 2012's comic on:

Tags #anger, #interviews, #job applicant, #second opinion, #jb hoppr, #bunny costume, #17 jobs, #2 years, #red flags, #rage issues, #passionate

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need a second opinion on a job applicant. His name is J.B. Hopper. He dresses in a bunny costume and he's had seventeen jobs in two years. Catbert: Are there any red flags? Boss: I can't tell if he's passionate or if he has rage issues.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 27, 2003's comic on:

Tags #surplussed ted, #absorb function, #2 jobs one salary, #absorb his funtion, #osmosis, #symbiosis, #syneregy, #key learning, #tragic series, #monkey brained

View Transcript

Transcript

"I surplussed Ted. You'll need to absorb his function." "Absorb his function?" "Are you telling me to do two jobs for one salary?" "No, I'm telling you to absorb his function.. in an absorptive fashion." "..Using osmosis, symbiosis, and synergy." "Can you change reality by inventing new names for ordinary things?" "I sure hope so. Otherwise my entire career has been a.. a.." "Tragic series of monkey-brained mistakes?" "Key learning."

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 10, 2013's comic on:

Tags #deception, #work ethic, #rumour, #wo jobs, #outsource job, #elbonia

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I heard a rumor that you have two jobs and you outsource both of them to Elbonia and keep the difference. Wally: That's crazy. I assure you I don not have two jobs outsourced to Elbonia. Boss: Is it more than two? Wally: That's a different conversation.

Complaining Versus Hiding

Thank you for voting.
Complaining Versus Hiding - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 15, 2018's comic on:

Tags #boss, #complaining, #employees, #employment, #jobs, #managers & supervisors

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I'm doing the job of three people and it isn't fair. Boss: Good point. Alice is doing the job of seven people. I'll give you two of her jobs to balance it out. Wally: So...is complaining better than hiding? Asok: No...you were right.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 05, 2011's comic on:

Tags #annoyance, #apathy, #choosing, #comments, #two alternatives, #recommended option, #more expensive

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Did you read my comments on the two alternatives? Boss: No. Dilbert: I recommended option two because neither plan will work but option one is way more expensive. Boss: I already approved option one. Dilbert: If you need any more help, just let me know.