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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 27, 2001's comic on:

Tags #Dogbert, #eat for a day, #fish, #ugly hat, #you're consultant, #animals

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Headline: Dogbert Consults. Dogbert says to The Boss, "If you give a man a fish, he will eat for a day." Dogbert continues, "But if you teach a man to fish, he will buy an ugly hat." Dogbert continues, "And if you talk about fish to a starving man then you're a consultant."

Hat Monitors Sleep

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Hat Monitors Sleep - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 06, 2016's comic on:

Tags #mind control, #technology, #invention, #hat, #control

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Boss: This hat monitors your brain waves and warns you if you are going to fall asleep. We think it will prevent accidents. Dilbert: Is that all it does? Boss: For now. Robot: Welcome to the club.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 23, 2011's comic on:

Tags #announcements, #committee decided, #file naming, #month, #year, #day, #space, #temperature, #airport, #hat size, #long meeting, #best work

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Ted: The committee decided that the file naming convention will start with the date, in the order of month, year, day... then a space, then the temperature at the airport, and the hat size of the nearest squirrel. To be perfectly honest, it was a long meeting and we probably didn't do our best work toward the end.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 23, 2011's comic on:

Tags #crimes, #internet & world wide web, #black hat, #websites ranking, #search engine, #unethical, #near certainty, #loserish, #talking

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Boss: I want you to use "black hat" methods to raise our website's ranking on search engines. Dilbert: What do you like best about that idea - the fact that it's unethical or the near certainty of getting caught? Boss: That's sort of a loserish thing to say. Dilbert: Talking doesn't work for people like me.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 03, 2011's comic on:

Tags #depression (mental state), #despair, #ugly partment, #two ugly roomates, #ugly bus, #ugly building, #ugly cubicle, #eat lunch

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Asok: I live in an ugly apartment with two ugly roommates. Each workday I take an ugly bus to an ugly building and spend the entire day in my ugly cubicle. Dilbert: At least you get to eat lunch with us. Asok: I've said too much.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 26, 2011's comic on:

Tags #christmas presents, #sweaters, #ugly sweater, #lose a bet, #gift from mom, #hideous sweater

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Alice: What's up with the ugly sweater? Did you lose a bet? Dilbert: This? Oh, right. It was a gift from my mom. I'm wearing it once in case she asks me later. Alice: Did you know it was hideous before I told you? Dilbert: Maybe.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 24, 2012's comic on:

Tags #fighting, #fraternization, #virtual, #ignorant blob, #ugly wool suit, #suggestions, #form of questions

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Boss: Why don't you change this box to say "virtual"? Dilbert: Because I don't want it to look like it was written by an ignorant blob in an ugly wool suit. You probably shouldn't put your suggestions in the form of questions.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 29, 2012's comic on:

Tags #page layout, #ugly, #ugly cubicle, #aesthetics, #barber, #parents, #trample

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Dilbert: Your page layout is ugly. Tina: Whose fault is that? I work in an ugly cubicle surrounded by ugly people. You trample on my sense of aesthetics and expect me to be unaffected? Dilbert: So... it's my fault? Tina: You, your parents, your barber, and whoever dresses you.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 15, 1990's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #dissolving, #free, #dawn, #bob, #ugly, #dance, #cult

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Dogbert says to Bob and Dawn the Dinosaurs, "I'm dissolving the cult. You two are free to do as you please." Bob and Dawn dance and yell, "We're free! We're free!" Dogbert says, "Boy . . . You don't know ugly 'til you've seen dinosaurs dance."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 31, 1990's comic on:

Tags #therapy, #unethical, #Dilbert, #biological clock, #ugly, #one, #ticking, #away

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Dilbert lies on a couch in a psychiatrist's office. The therapist says, "Frankly, I'm tired of hearing your little problems . . ." The psychologist says, "I hate my job . . . I haven't had a decent date in a year . . . My biological clock is ticking away . . ." Dilbert asks, "Would it be unethical to date one of your patients?" The doctor replies, "Yes, especially an ugly one."