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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 01, 2004's comic on:

Tags #earned 100 million, #senior management, #unexpended stock options, #incentivized

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CEO: "Tomorrow I'll tell the stockholders that we earned $100 million!" dilbert: "Will you tell them that you gave all of their profits to senior management in the form of unexpensed stock options?" "We had to be incentivized." "So you wouldn't take their furniture, too?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 13, 2012's comic on:

Tags #business failures/bankruptcies, #saving & investment, #raises, #debt crisis, #economic uncertainty, #board of directors, #stock options, #money

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Boss: I can't give you a raise because the Elbonian debt crisis has created economic uncertainty. Luckily for us, our board of directors granted our CEO more stock options so he won't leave during uncertain times. Dilbert: What happens when the uncertainty ends? Boss: Then he'll exercise stock options.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 10, 1992's comic on:

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #Family, #saving & investment, #stock market, #money, #invest, #stock, #options, #broker, #Fun, #snide, #comments

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Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I invested all of my money in stock options." Dogbert asks, "What's an option?" Dilbert explains, "It's complicated . . . Basically, you give your money to a stock broker and he buys nice things for his family." Dilbert asks, "Do you have any snide comments?" Dogbert replies, "No, you took all the fun out of it."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 02, 1994's comic on:

Tags #employee survey, #no startegy, #quality team, #root cause, #employees are ninnies, #more stock options

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The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "The employee survey showed that 95% of the company believes we have no consistent strategy." The Boss continues, "So the executives formed a 'quality team' to determine the root cause of the problem." A man points to a chart and says to three people seated at a table, "We've narrowed it down to either 'employees are ninnies' or 'we deserve more stock options.'"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 16, 1995's comic on:

Tags #ban all meetings, #dress code, #casual staus, #mission statements, #have fun, #satisfy customers, #make money, #fit five more, #cucbicle, #chair, #stock options

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Dogbert stands on a podium addressing a crowd of office workers, including Dilbert, Wally and Alice. Dogbert says, "As new owner of this company I hereby ban all meetings over one hour. The dress code is casual. Status reports are optional!" Dogbert continues, "No more mission statements or 'visions.' Our motto is 'have fun, satisfy customers, make money.'" Dilbert sleeps in his chair. In Dilbert's dream, Dogbert concludes his speech to the employees, "And stock options for all." Outside Dilbert's cubicle, Dogbert says to the Boss, "We can fit five more in this cubicle if we remove the chair."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 29, 1997's comic on:

Tags #compensation lan, #good news, #stock options, #updated agreement, #mugging

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The Boss stands behind Dilbert's desk and says, "Good news about your compensation plan . . ." Dilbert says, "I hate good news about my compensation plan." The Boss says, "Twenty percent of your pay will now be in the form of stock options instead of cash!" The Boss says, "To get your stock options, simply sign this updated employment agreement." Dilbert asks, "Why does good news feel like a mugging?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 30, 1997's comic on:

Tags #stock options, #sign agreement, #yada yada

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Dogbert sits on the couch and Dilbert sits on the floor looking at a contract. Dilbert says, "My company won't give me my stock options unless I sign this new employment agreement." Dogbert reaches for the document and says, "Here." Dogbert says, "Yada, yada, yada, yada, yada, yada, yada, yada, yada, yada." Dilbert asks, "What do you think?" Dogbert replies, "I'm not reading it. I just like to look at documents and go yada, yada, yada."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 04, 1997's comic on:

Tags #plundered, #downsized, #equity, #massive stock options, #victory seems hollow, #meaningful contribition, #book deal, #trophy wife

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Dogbert walks by empty cubicles. He thinks, "I've downsized this company and plundered its equity by excercising my massive stock options." A chauffer holds the door as Dogbert gets into his limosine and thinks, "Yet my victory seems hollow. Something is missing." Dogbert sits on the couch with Dilbert. Dilbert says, "Maybe you're missing a sense of meaningful contribution to society." Dogbert relies, "Maybe... but I'm thinking book deal and trophy wife."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 30, 1998's comic on:

Tags #above salary midpoint, #stock options, #interpersonal skills

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In The Boss's office, The Boss tells Alice, "I can't give you a raise because you're above the salary midpoint. But at least your stock options are doing great!" Alice says, "I don't have any stock options." The Boss says, "Oh. I'm probably thinking of me." The Boss says, "Next, it says I should coach you on your interpersonal skills."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 27, 1998's comic on:

Tags #dogbert the ceo, #incestment banker, #loot place, #merge with client, #golden parachute, #exercise stock options, #merger, #so long suckers

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Caption: Dogbert the C.E.O. Dogbert sits at desk. An investment banker stands across from him. Banker says, "I'm an investment banker. I can help you loot this place and escape." Banker sits next to Dogbert and reviews some material with him. Banker says, "You'll maerge with my other client company. Your golden parachute kicks in. Then you exercise your stock options on the uptick." Alice and Dilbert review merger announcement. Alice says, "You rarely see a merger announcement with the phrase, 'So long suckers.'" Dilbert softly says, "Ouch."