Unusually Profictable Comic Strips
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5 Results for Unusually Profictable
View 1 - 5 results for unusually profictable comic strips. Discover the best "Unusually Profictable" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday February 20,
2000
Tags #division, #unusually profictable, #targets impossibly high, #profit target, #sabotage profits, #stop customers, #wasteful spending, #leadership training, #class, #stick out coffee mug
Transcript
Dilbert, the Boss, and Wally are at a meeting. The Boss says: "Our division is unusually profitable this year." He turns to Dilbert: "That means our targets for next year will be set impossibly high." He turns to Wally: "Our only hope of reaching our profit target next year..." He continues: "...is to sabotage profits for the rest of this year." He explains further: "It's too late to stop customers from buying our products." He continues: "So we'll focus on increasing wasteful spending." The Boss puts his hand on Wally's shoulder and tells him: "Wally, I'm sending you to a leadership training class." After the meeting, Wally sticks out his coffee mug and asks Dilbert, "Did you ever stick out your coffee mug and just follow where it took you?"
Sunday October 10,
1993
Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #man, #parking lot, #car
Transcript
Dilbert and Dogbert stand in a parking lot. A man approaches their car and says, "Hey! Dilbert! Is that your nerdmobile?" The man laughs. Dilbert thinks, "It's my old high school nemesis, Chuck." Chuck says, "Maybe you'd like to race me in my Corvette." He laughs. Dilbert points to his car and says, "Actually, Chuck, if you had taken a science class you'd know this a 'Seebeck effect' power plant capable of 600 miles per hour." Dilbert continues, "Any idiot knows you can get massive power simply by using the sun to heat the junction of two dissimilar wires joined at both ends." Dilbert continues, "Apparently I'm faster AND smarter than you. And these tax forms show that I also earn more than you." Dogbert holds up the forms. Chuck says, "Here's a picture of my new girlfriend. She teaches aerobics." Dilbert says, "He's winning. Help me out here, Dogbert." Dogbert waves his paw and says, "Step aside." Dogbert tells Chuck, "I notice that your girlfriend has unusually large hands and a very pronounced Adam's apple." Chuck asks, "So?"
Thursday May 30,
2013
Tags #ex ceo, #executives, #generous, #negotiated, #severance package, #wages, #robotic flea, #giant flea, #money
Transcript
Catbert: Our es-CEO negotiated an unusually generous severance package. We had to build a giant robotic flea to suck the assets out of the company. The weird part is that it seemed reasonable at the time.
Wednesday August 05,
2015
Ted Died Last Week
Tags #listening, #listen, #listener, #silence, #death, #dead, #attention, #medical
Transcript
Dilbert: Ted died in his cubicle. Alice: When? Dilbert: About a week ago. They just found him. Alice: Remember when I said Ted is an unusually good listener? I have new data.
Thursday November 23,
2017
Doctor Will Operate
Tags #laziness, #happiness, #satisfaction, #aspirations, #psychology
Transcript
Doctor: The MRI shows unusual activity in the laziness region of your brain. Normally, I would recommend brain surgery, but your brain also registers an unusually high level of happiness. Wally: So... how do we handle this? Doctor: I'm going to operate on myself to make me more like you.